Takes One to Know One
by QueSyrahSyrah
Summary: Modern Day AU, "My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 24. I have a useless degree. I work at a dive bar in Texas. I am a member of the Broken Brigade. For most of my life, I knew nothing about love except that it could leave you broken and empty. And then he came back into town." M for language and lemons
1. Prologue

**Spring, 2008**

"My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 20 years old. I am a sophomore at UT. My father is dead. They came into my house a week ago and took my mother. No one is forcing me to be here. I have to get better for my sister, the only person I love."

The room is noticeable tense. When Dr. Aurelius asked me to share a little bit about myself, I don't imagine that she wanted me to verbalize one of my daily affirmations; the fragments I repeat to myself so I know exactly who I am, how I got here, and what is real.

"I like her better than Cashmere already," the lean figure to my right barks out to the rest of the group, "fuck rich kid problems, what this group needs is some more good ol' fashioned tragedy!" She has a spiked pixie cut and cheekbones that could cut diamonds. Her loose gray tank top shows off a full sleeve of tattoos. For the life of me I can't tell if she's joking, or if she is actually reveling in a new source of misfortune.

"Johanna, we cannot reference those outside of the circle by proper name while we are in session." Dr. Aurelius scrunches up her face and pinches the bridge of her nose with frustration. I have a feeling this isn't Johanna's first offense.

"I think it's important to remember that this is a safe space…" A stunning, petite girl with voluminous cherry-black hair pipes up, only to drift off near the end of her sentence.

I turn toward the nervous beauty sitting on the coach to my left, waiting for her to finish her thought, but she only furiously wrings her hands, suddenly lost to the world around her.

"What Annie was trying to say is, this may be your first day here, but the three of us have shared a lot in this room. Whatever is said here, stays here. You start leaking our deepest, darkest secret to the general public and that trust is broken… leaving us all back at square one." This time it is the brunette next to Annie that speaks. She is sturdy, tall, and confident. Even though her hair is swept up into a perky ponytail and she is decked out in J Crew, I know this preppy isn't someone to cross.

"Delly's right," Johanna jumps in, "break the trust, and prepare for some broken limbs."

Delly snorts loudly at this, "Johanna uses her aggression as a defense mechanism. If you are afraid of her, you never get to know her. If you don't know her, you can't love her. If you don't love her, then she can't lose you."

"Shut the fuck up Delly." Johanna seethes, "I don't think Kitty Kat over there has earned the right to hear my life story just yet."

Suddenly the focus has been shifted back to me. This is not what I was expecting on my first day of group therapy. Dr A had assured me that joining an all women's group would help me foster a greater sense of warmth and affection in my life. So far I was just hoping that I'd be able to leave without a black eye.

Sensing my anxiety, Dr. A jumps in, "I think that adding a new member to the group has brought forth a lot of heightened emotions. Sharing your fears, anxieties, triumphs, and sadness with others is always difficult. It is uncomfortable, but by working through that discomfort, we are forced to realize certain truths about ourselves that we may have been trying to repress.

Once again the room is filled with silence. I should have known better, you can't just jump into these things after they've begun. Especially if the thought of "discovering your self truths" makes you throw up in your mouth just a little bit.

I repeat the end of my mantra to myself, hoping it will be enough to keep me from immediately bolting to the door, "No one is forcing me to be here. I have to get better for my sister, the only person I love."

"You alright darlin'?" I didn't realize that I had squeezed my eyes shut in order to concentrate. My eyelids flutter open and settle on Johanna, whose muscles have begun to release their earlier tension.

"What the good doctor, and all of us, are really trying to say is…." Johanna takes her time, her eyes slowly skimming over the rest of us, "welcome to your first annual meeting of the Broken Bitches Brigade. Sometimes we say some fucked up shit in here, but I'd like to think that we all kind of like each other a little bit as well. Please check your reservations and judgments at the door."


	2. Plus-ones and Other Perils

**Summer 2012**

"My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 24. I work at a dive bar in Texas. I have a useless bachelors degree. My life is vaguely shit, but I'm alive."

" So, you repeat this to yourself _every_ morning?" Annie's bright green eyes go wide in expectation.

"Well not exactly," I pause, "I like to switch it up a bit. For instance: 'My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 24. I majored in Environmental Policy. My mother is in rehab. I am responsible for a barely legal sister and a 58-year-old drunk. But sometimes I get laid, so things could be worse."

Annie cocks her head to the side and blinks at me for a minute or so. After three years I've gotten used to this, Annie's drawn out pauses and the way she talks mainly with her eyes. She rarely says anything unless she has thoroughly thought it over, which I can appreciate. She actually listens, and I don't mind silence.

"I don't think that's much better. I'm pretty sure daily affirmations are supposed to be… life affirming, or at least you know…" her voice drops to a barely audible whisper, "positive?"

"I don't know, sounds pretty positive to me," Johanna interjects, "alive and getting some. Now that's what Dr. A would call progress." She lets a derisive laugh. "Now, am I going to have to pour all the shit beers tonight, or would you like to earn your paycheck Ms. Everdeen?"

The bar has gotten significantly more crowded since I began relating my latest therapeutic tactics to Annie, so I toss back the tequila shot that's been sitting in front of me since I started my shift and put on my best just-give-me-some-damn-tips smile as I start taking orders.

Johanna owns "The Honkey Tonk Woman" the little dive bar on east 6th street in Austin, frequented mainly by wanna-be indie-folk rockers, perpetually broke artists, or heavily tattoos roller derby girls. She doesn't mind if I a drink a bit on the job. In fact, she's come to encourage it because, as she so delicately puts it, "you aren't exactly flirty, or inviting, or even really anything other than perpetually agitated, so maybe a couple of shots will make a decent bartender out of you."

Each member of the staff is supposed to attract a different subset of the increasingly eclectic crowd, and I have been deemed the queen of the folk-rockers, despite my frequent objections. Sure, I have the genes for it, and I play a mean fiddle, but most Austin musicians are quickly put off by my seeming lack of enthusiasm for the genre and unwillingness to discuss my quasi-famous parents.

"Everdeen!" Johanna barks from across the bar, causing me to jolt mid-pour, "You have a visitor."

My head whips towards the bouncer, Thresh, checking I.D.s by the door just in time to spot a flurry of blond and sequins. Great, it's Glimmer, human disco ball on heels. I know who's coming next as Thresh turns around, raising an eyebrow. I shoot him a quick nod of consent, and in walks Cato. He slips his arm around Glimmer and his hand comes to rest on the small of her back as Thresh hands back his I.D. Cato begins scanning the crown, and I panic. I look for Annie, but she only points those big emerald eyes down to her hands and begins shredding her napkin. My mind races in the few seconds I have before he will inevitably spot me: I could duck behind the bar and assume the fetal position, abandoning waiting customers but preserving my dignity, or I could do that trick that seems to work so well in Coyote Ugly where I take a shot, hold a lighter to my mouth, and blow out fire unto the unsuspecting crowd, surely starting a fire and yet once again, saving my precious sense of well-being.

"Oh Katniss, I forgot you still work here! I thought you would have found something else by now!" Too late. Glimmer's Paris Hilton-esque whine has pierced by irrational bubble of refuge and I can only stare as she wiggles her way over to the bar.

Now, perhaps I am being too harsh on the perfectly coiffed, leggy blonde in front of me; she did graduate from UT the same year as I did, and has recently been accepted to quite a few top-tier law schools. She's not an idiot, but she boy does she love playing dumb. Especially around Cato, who sidles up next to her and leans on the bar giving me his signature, "I've seen you naked" smirk. I knew a lot of ghosts from semesters past would be in town for the wedding, but I rather not see ever guy I screwed as an undergrad.

"Katniss, you look… tired." Cato sneered. "Finnick told us that you've been working a lot of long nights, but Jesus."

"Always ready with the compliments aren't you buddy?" I crossed my arms over my chest, effectively blocking his gaze. "What'll you have?"

"A Lonestar for me and a diet rum and coke for my lady. Oh, and some sunlight and maybe a little bit of meat-on-your-bones for the lovely bartender." With that Glimmer giggles and Cato leans in to nuzzle her neck. I avert my eyes and stifle my gag reflex as I concentrate on pouring their drinks.

Johanna has made her way back to the bar, "You okay, Kat?" I slam the glasses on the bar and glare up at the slim brunette. She knows I hate it when she calls me that, but I hold in my comment as I spot her sly grin. Johanna is a bitch in all the best ways, and after all these years, she knows I can't actually snap at her. Beneath those wiry, muscular tattooed limbs and derby bruises lies something fragile, something the chosen three of us have learned to revere. Plus, I know this is the closest she will ever come to saying she's always got my back without being 8 or 9 shots of tequila in.

"I'm just peachy Jo-Jo," I say through gritted teeth, adding a pinch on her ass for emphasis as she walks back to the storeroom.

"So, I'm guessing all these late nights haven't left you much time to find a date for the wedding… or at least one that isn't a complete drunk?" My eyes whip back to Glimmer, the only woman I know capable of ending every sentence with either an insult or a giggle. I realize that my dreams of handing the blonde duo drinks and having them immediately walk far, far away without another word have been dashed.

"Alas, I think I've had my fair share of drunks over the years." I pause, attempting to look deep in thought; "It would take a truly exceptional alcoholic to really sweep me off my feet." I quickly turn to the next customer and resume pouring drinks.

"How is ol' Haymitch by the way?" Cato shouts at my turned back," Last time I saw him he was passed out your front lawn…"

I turned back, cutting him off there, not wanting to revisit the rest of the memory "I assure you that he has since moved past the lawn and has found various other places to pass out that make him just as, if not more, happy. Thanks for inquiring!"

By this time Cato and I have locked eyes. We are back to our old game. Who will be back down first? Who will be the first to give just a little, perhaps even uttering something amiable? I watch his chest puff out and he doesn't even turn as Glimmer squeals at the arrival of a familiar face in the bar and wobbles away.

"You were always at your best when you were ticked off Everdeen." Cato murmurs, leaning in closer. Without noticing I've inched closer myself, and I feel his hot breath on my ear. My mind flashes back to my legs wrapped tightly around his waist, his arms holding my up as I bite his lip and my back slams into the wall. Skin on skin, burning and aching to be devoured. We always went at it with a reckless hunger, our minds devoid of anything other than biological instincts and basic need.

My cheeks burn red and he knows he's gotten what he wanted, a rise out of the self-proclaimed stone-cold independent woman. He takes advantage of my silence, "it's too bad you don't have plus one, you throw one hell of an after party."

His eyes scan my navel to my chest; apparently the only part of me worth looking that isn't blocked by the bar. " What happened to the latest lover boy, overwhelm him with your warm and sunny disposition?"

"He was afraid," I've gotten his attention, "afraid of what he found underneath all the layers…" My voice has gone raspy.

"And what exactly would that be Katniss?" He's hooked and I lean in closer so I can whisper my response, my lips lightly grazing his cheek "vagina dentata." He quickly jerks back, clearly disgusted as I laugh for the first time that night.

"Jesus, there's a reason why bitches like you stay single." He furiously rubs his temples, "How the hell did we last for four months?"

"Four months? Are you talking about our upcoming anniversary?" A cheerful voice deftly cuts into our conversation.

It takes me a minute to gather my senses as I gaze up into a pair of blue eyes. The blonde in front of me is awkwardly running his hands through his blond mop of hair; some parts straight, some defiantly curly. He is clearly waiting for me to chime in, but all I can think about is the fact that's been at least two years since I've studied those calloused hands sweeping a stray curl off of his forehead.

Sensing my slight shock he takes over, "Baby, I know I said I'd be working tonight, but I didn't want to miss the chance to meet all your friends before the big event."

As I register the fact that he's decided to call me "Baby" and the inherent rage that follows, I suddenly snap back into reality, "Oh my God Babe, I'm so glad you're here!" Cato juts out his jaw as he tries to warp his mind around the rare term of endearment emanating from my mouth.

To seal the deal, those same hands that captured my attention just moments before reach forward and tilts my face towards his. He inches forward and stops just before our lips meet.

Wait, why has he stopped? My mind buzzes as I fight the urge to go completely blank. Shit, he's waiting for my permission. With one last sideways glance at Cato, I bridge the gap between us. I'm stiff at first, knowing I have an audience, but he deepens the kiss slightly and I let everything else slowly drop away.

I don't know how long this goes on before Joanna marches toward me and "accidentally" shoves me in the back as she passes by. The moment broken we both retract, and can feel myself blushing furiously. "Cato," I address the confused figure to my immediate right, "meet my… plus one… Peeta."


	3. Strangers and Cheap Beer

The crowd at the bar has really picked up and it takes almost all of my concentration just to get the drinks out before anyone starts a drunken riot. Finnick has finally showed and gives me a playful wink before joining Peeta, Annie, Cato, Delly, Glimmer, and an increasingly drunk Cato at a table in the back of the bar. I can barely glimpse his Peeta's blond shaggy hair, but I've been fighting off the memory of our one and only prior meeting from invading my mind.

**Spring 2010:**

It was spring semester of my senior of college. I was so close to my degree, that stupid piece of paper I had been lusting after for years and years, the piece of paper that was supposed to get me a fabulous job and ensure that no matter what state my mother was in, Prim would be taken care of. I had convinced myself that acing this semester was a matter of survival and few were brave enough to rouse me from my favorite corner of the library.

Luckily for me, Delly has no fear. That girl could enter a room with a man ready to strangle her and emerge with a new best friend. I had hated her, despised everything about her, the first time I spotted her slight figure traipsing the path to our Poli Sci class freshman year. Her dirty blonde hair was always pulled up into ponytail, perfectly curled at the ends and her sensual hourglass figure was always swathed in designer duds. Her nails were never chipped and she always smelled like vanilla and warmth, a vaguely Christmassy scent that was slightly off-putting. In complete contrast, I almost always snuck through the doors about thirty seconds before class started wearing the same leggings and boots I wore yesterday, my hair pulled into a the same braid I've worn since the 6th grade. If I were feeling fancy I'd change my oversized t-shirt or throw on a cardigan. I'm also pretty sure I consistently smelled like dirt. I loathed the put-together debutante in the front row with all of my being, and I'm sure she wasn't fond of the girl that was always scowling at her from the back of the room. Funny how much can change in just a few years. By the end of junior year, Delly was my back-bone, my biggest cheerleader, and of course, my very own personal social secretary.

"Come oooooon!" She whined, "Dr. A says that you can't "nest" forever. Being social is an essential part of breaking the cycle of depression, or whatever."

I glared at her over my organic chemistry book. I wasn't in the mood for one of Delly's diagnoses. I was wearing the same pair of sweat pants that I wore yesterday, and an oversized sweater I nicked from Gale over Christmas break. I tried to remember the last time I washed my hair…

Sensing my hesitation, or just noticing my complete lack of movement, she pulled out the big guns, " I have a friend visiting from San Diego and I really want to show him a good time. I NEVER have someone from home come to see me. Pleassssssssse help me show him a good time."

Her ruby lips formed the perfect pout and magically mere moments later I was shaving my legs for the first time in who knows how long and contemplating what I was going to wear.

The rest of the night was a pleasant blur. I coerced Madge, my ever-loyal roommate and filler of awkward silences, to journey over to the bar with me. The whole place was garnished in burnt orange, and a group of Sigma Pi's leered at us as we walked past them on the patio and into the bar. As I attempted to stride past them as quickly as possible, Madge turned around and gave the whole table a wink and blew a kiss. I loved that socially adept Taylor Swift looking motherfucker and brought her in for a big wet kiss on the check.

"Katniss, control yourself! You are smearing my foundation!" She squealed. Madge was still attempting to push me away as I laughed and tried to plant another one on her check when I spotted Peeta for the first time. He was sandwiched in between Delly and Annie and… I felt no butterflies whatsoever.

Sure, I glanced over his arm muscles, the messy blond hair that he kept nervously seeping back with his hands, and even made note of the blue eyes traveling their way up my body, but in that moment I was too excited to be reunited with Annie to even give him a second look. As soon has the slight, pale young woman stood up to greet me, I wrapped her entire frame in a tight hug. Annie was slightly taller than me and I nestled myself into her shoulder, engulfed by her cherry black hair.

I am not one for hugs. Unless I know, and truly trust the hug giver, my shoulders tend to tense whenever someone tries to bestow affection on me. It is a strange dichotomy: if someone is new to me, I don't want them to touch me in any way shape or form, but the second I decide that someone is worth letting in, I shower my affection on them. So far this select group had been limited to my Prim, Gale, Madge, Cinna, occasionally Haymitch, and of course, the three women that I found myself suddenly bonded to, Joanna, Delly and Annie. Needless to say, my bear hug lasted an uncomfortably long time before I realized there were three other people present and watching curiously. While Delly knew why our reunion was so special, and Madge remained blissfully unaware, I can't help but feel like I gave Peeta an unfair impression. Here was a Katniss full of love, affection, and joy. She was completely unguarded and unconcerned with everyone else around her. This Katniss emanated trust. I preferred to keep this Katniss in hiding.

"Jesus Katniss, I'm not sure the poor girl wants the life squeezed out of her tonight!" Delly's interruption broke the moment and I let Annie go, watching a soft smile spread across her face, and I sat myself down.

By the end of the night, I had reluctantly admitted to Delly that I was glad she had torn me from my little nest of books and empty coffee cups. Peeta had gotten up to grab another round, and I took in the scene before me. Madge was rolling her eyes at one of the more aggressive Sigma Pi guys who was brave enough to wander over to our table and approach her. Madge was a politician's daughter on the outside, poised and always knew how to give good face, but on the inside she sharp and completely unconcerned with societal expectations. Sure she'd give you an inviting smile, but if you didn't have anything interesting or novel to say… she would quickly send you packing. Annie and Delly looked on, suppressing their laughter while Delly was absent-mindedly stroking Annie's hair. I took a moment to be thankful for the strange little family I had accumulated over the last few years.

Peeta brought back the drinks and settled into the seat next me instead of his spot near Delly. It was two-dollar pint night, so the details of our conversation were hazy, but somehow this stranger had managed to capture my attention.

"So Delly tells me you're a musician…" Peeta's question was innocent enough, but I instantly felt flustered.

"Oh not really, I just mess around a little bit with a few instruments. My father was the real musician, he taught me everything I know." I'm always unsure of how to talk about my parents, and rarely bring them up, but there was something about the look of curiosity on the man's face in front of me, waiting for me to continue, that lulled me into a sense of comfort.

"My favorite instrument is the fiddle. My father said I didn't need any arrows because I pierce the soul with a bow and fiddle." I let out a small laugh, "he tended to be a bit flowery at times, especially when he was talking about music, but it's probably the best compliment I've ever received."

Peeta smiled and then I recognized it, the look on his face, it was genuine interest. Strange.

"I get it," he deep blue eyes were locked on mine, "it's the same way I feel whenever I pull out the perfect batch of cookies from the oven." I look at him curiously, and a slight blush crept across his cheeks.

"My dad's a baker, a really well-respected baker actually, so every time I even come close to what he can do, I feel… I don't know… that I've earned just a little bit more of his respect, that I'm just a little bit more of a man." At this he lets out a loud laugh, "Weird, right? Baking always makes me feel more like a man."

"I've always found providing me with delicious food to be very macho. In fact, I most definitely encourage this type of behavior." It wasn't spectacular, but at least I was attempting to flirt. It had been a while, and out of the corner of my eye I could tell Delly approved.

"I'll keep that in mind Ms. Everdeen," he leaned in closer, "just in case I need to impress you with my oh-so-masculine charms one day." He smirked, his blue eyes lighting up, and I knew that for at least one night, I was a goner.

As the night progressed I told him even more about my precious fiddle and bow, and even delved into the hours my father would I spend in our basement, bending notes and harmonies into something substantial. It turns out he was a pretty avid baker, and I practically drooled as he described the confections he turned out regularly at his parents' bakery. The beer had loosened my lips and I found myself saying more to the charming baker than I'd probably said all year. I knew I should be feeling self-conscious, but a thick haze had settled over my mind and common sense and I let the stories fly.

The walk back to the apartment I shared with Madge was a pleasant blur. I vaguely remembered catching a knowing wink from Delly as she accepted a ride home from Annie, but I didn't question the fact that Peeta was walking back with us until we were at the door to my bedroom.

We had been discussing the fact that although he attended a relatively conservative school he'd really be happier somewhere more artsy, but he couldn't bear to disappoint his mother, when my hand reached for the doorknob and I paused. I spun around quickly and willed the floor to stop swirling.

"I don't do this." I said perhaps a bit more forcefully than I meant to. Peeta's smile faded quickly and his eyebrows knotted in concern.

"I can leave, call a cab, if you want…" he ran his hands through his hair once more and I recognized the panic growing in his features,

" I didn't mean to pressure you, or insinuate anything was going to happen. I just… I just didn't want to end the conversation." Before my eyes he had transformed into a frightened schoolboy, caught by his head master and waiting for ruler across his palms.

Without thinking I placed my hand on his cheek and tried to catch his eyes. "I'm sorry, I just meant, I don't like doing the talking. I don't talk about my family. I especially don't talk about my father. I don't bring back guys from the bar. I don't even know you."

His eyes still avoid mine, but I draw his face closer, "I know I shouldn't give a shit, but I need you to know that this isn't how I usually operate, and maybe it's because I know that you're leaving tomorrow, but I… I'm just going to…" my rambling is cut short when he dives in for a kiss. I twist the handle and kick my door open.

We stumble backwards but his hands grab my waist and steady me. The rest of my memory is a blur of lips, hands, and heavy breathing. He pushes me against the wall and his hands travel to the exposed skin between my jeans and tank top. He stares at me as his hands travel up my shirt and I let a small moan escape indicating my approval. His hands graze my breasts and slowly sneak back to unhook my bar. He lifts me up, interrupting my general shock and carries me over to my bed, slowly lowering me down. His hands are pushing my tank top up over my shoulders and I decide to help him out, removing the offending shirt and bra. I reach over and lift up his shirt; he quickly pulls it up over his head and throws it on the floor near mine. I relish the feeling of our bare chests gently touching and grazing each other as he lowers himself down on top of me once more and my hands move to his stomach.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph he has muscles. Oh my God, this man is pretty attractive. I didn't let it register earlier but now that he is on top of me I can feel his strong back and shoulders, my lips can graze his strong jaw, and his hands… his very capable hands that are now skimming the waist of my jeans. His hands that are now unbuttoning my pants…

Suddenly a shout escapes my mouth, "Fire!" and we both freeze.


	4. Spooning and Other Forms of Mild Torture

**Spring 2010 (continued..)**

Peeta jerks up and quickly scans the room. I take the opportunity to grab a pillow and clench it tightly over my chest. His eyes are wide as he studies the panic on my face.

"What? What are you talking about? Do we need to leave?" His eyes graze over my tense body and I know I can't possibly explain what's going on in my head.

"So, you know how the one thing you can shout to make everyone stop in their tracks and pay attention is supposed to 'Fire!' right?" I begin slowly, "Well, at least that's what I've heard about clearing out movie theaters… just shout 'Fire' and everyone scrambles for the exit." He raises one eyebrow but doesn't interrupt my rant. "I needed an exit," I finish weakly.

Well, if he didn't know I was crazy before, I'm sure my own unique form of dirty talk had just clued him in.

After a moment of silence, he scoots away from me and towards the edge of the bed. He fishes his shirt from the floors and pulls it back over his head. He picks up my bra and tank top as well and hands them back to me without looking back.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come back here. We were both drinking, and Delly is probably going to kill me in the morning. I should head back." Peeta stands up and moves for the door as I try to figure out exactly how I got from the library to half naked in my bed with a stranger. His hand is on the doorknob when I shake myself from my frozen, panicked state.

"Wait!" I shout. His hand pauses. "Do you know how Delly and I met?" I pause as I realize this was a question neither of us was expecting; yet he reacts as I intended, and turns back towards me.

"She only told me a little bit." He shoves his hands in his pockets, clearly uncomfortable. "I know that you, Delly, Annie, and Joanna met in some sort of group… a women's therapy group or something. She didn't tell me much else."

"Sit please." I'm surprised to find out that my request comes out soft whisper. He hesitates for a moment, but makes his way back to the edge of my bed.

"You don't have to leave… or no…" none of this is coming out right, "I don't want you to leave, not right now."

"You can uh… take your pants off too." His eyes go wide again at my comment. "No funny business, I promise." and I raise my hand to my chest, now completely covered with my shirt, "I swear that I am merely encouraging a greater level of comfort for us both."

Finally he smiles and slowly removes his jeans. I lift up a corner of the covers and motion for him to get under. I can tell he is still hesitant, but he eventually slides in next to me.

"Can you turn off the light?" I ask gently. He reaches over and pulls the cord on my bedside lamp. We both stare up at the ceiling. Aware of each other's breathing, but careful not to touch.

"I don't want to tell spill anything about Delly," I start slowly, picking my words carefully, "but I figure I've told you enough about myself tonight, and that there is some relative comfort in the fact that after tomorrow we may never cross paths again…" I pause again, unsure if I want to start digging this hole any deeper, " but I am in the group because… I… I'm a broken person."

He makes no noise at this, clearly wanting me to continue, " Dr. A says that when I am feeling especially anxious, or in need of help, I am unable to express myself verbally, because I have taught myself to repress my needs in favor of the needs of others."

Shit. I sound just like Delly. I can't believe this is all coming out of my mouth. It is one thing to discuss Dr. A's theories with Annie, the only one in our group patient enough to mull over psychological theories outside of the cramped little room we find ourselves in every other week, but to someone I just met? Someone who just happens to be male? And pretty damn attractive? And currently without pants? He turns towards me, those blue spotlights asking me to continue.

"So the good doctor tells me that because I my communication skills are so stunted, my cries for help and attention manifest themselves physically. Ha!" He is surprised by my laugh, but remains silent. It's unnerving, having the roles reversed. I'm supposed to be the listener.

"My mother calls them my 'hunger strikes.' Basically I get so stressed out and consumed in my own thoughts and worries that I just…. forget to eat. I run and run and run… because I need that physically release but I just keep getting smaller and smaller until I one day I snap awake and I hate my reflection in the mirror and realize just how rundown and boney I really am."

Dr. A says that I relate being small and fragile to someone in need of help and comfort, so when I need that from somebody, I make myself smaller and vulnerable instead of asking them for what I need. I still think this is a load of bull. I'd like to see her eat when her stomach is tied in knots day after day.

We lay in silence for a while after this. I hear his breathing slow when I whisper; "I had a snap moment earlier. I just… don't feel particularly sexy right now."

With that he shifts his weight and reaches his arms across my stomach, reeling me in. I lay stiff for a few minutes before letting my back lean against chest.

"So if you don't mind me asking…" Peeta voice was filled with hesitation as he spoke, "what are you striking against?"

I held my breath. It was usually hard enough for me to figure this out, let alone form a coherent enough explanation for someone else. Yet, I figured, I had dug myself this far, I might as well keep going. Plus, for some reason I couldn't quite put my finger on, I trusted this relative stranger next to me. I wanted to know what it felt like to be unguarded.

"It's tricky." I reminded myself to breathe. "In some ways, I think I do it to hurt my mother. Make her feel guilty; make her see what she has done to her family. I shout back at her the only way I know how… by becoming the physical image of all that's she's failed to provide to us."

Oh God, how was he not running away? I basically just admitted I was a terrible, even vengeful, human being.

"But it's more than that too." I was desperately trying to backpedal in an attempt to save a little face, "When things are bad, when my mom is really bad and can't do anything but sit there in silence all day, and I know that Prim is the only one at home taking care of her… I know I can't enjoy myself. I can't take_ any_ time for myself really, not until my mom is back at some center, getting clean, and Prim is worrying about what she is going to wear to Homecoming, not if Mom is going to hurt herself again."

Peeta's grasp has become increasingly tighter as I unravel my story. "I almost feel selfish, taking pleasure in anything until I know that everyone I love is okay. It's consuming really, and before I know it, I'm the one that's fragile and messed up."

I am surprisingly thankful that Peeta doesn't speak. Instead he continues to hold onto me, gently kissing my shoulder every once and while as we begin to drift off.

I am somewhere in between consciousness and dreaming when he whispers into my ear, "You may not believe me, but I understand where you're coming from more than you may ever know. I don't think you're fragile at all, I think you're… a girl on fire." I can feel his mouth moving against my bar shoulder as he tries to suppress a smile, recalling my earlier exclamation. Instead of smacking him, as I normally would, I start laughing.

"I have to say, in terms of bedroom talk, that was a first," he whispers behind me.

"Well, I always like to keep men on their toes. Consider it a drill."

The last words I hear before I drift off are, "You are so beautiful," he gently grazes my neck with his lips, "please don't pull away tomorrow."


	5. Shots and Low-Blows

**Present Day:**

Finally it's bar close, and Johanna and I make our way to the only set of tables still occupied at the back of the bar. I try to remind myself that this is a time I should enjoy, a lull before the chaos. Tomorrow would bring the rehearsal dinner, and after that the wedding. Tonight was just a sampling of everyone that would make their way into town. I'm not sure how many more special guests I could handle.

"Aaaaannnnnddd here we have it ladies and gentlemen!" Finn has stood up and grabbed my arm, forcing me to raise it triumphantly over my head. "It's a rare sight indeed, so gather round," he pauses for dramatic effect, "It's the ecstatic, the atypical, the potentially genuine, "It's-bar-close-can-I-go-home-now-smile" from the one and only Ms. Katniss Everdeen! Look closely and you can see that at least one side of her mouth is raised indicating that she may actually be pleased about something!"

The group begins clapping and cheering and Finn dramatically sweeps his hand under my chin, directing everyone's attention to my smirk.

"Spin for the crowd Kitty-Kat!" I laugh and twirl beside Finn. He is the only person on earth that could not only get away with this sort of display, but also make me laugh in the process.

"We were so sad that we had to drink so much without you my dear, please do catch up." With that Finn kisses me on my check and pulls out a chair next to him at the table.

"You sir, are lucky that I like you so much."

"Mmm hmmm and why is that Katniss?" Finn asks, his head on his heads, leaning towards me with mock curiosity.

"Because if I didn't, I'd have kneed you in the balls by now just to make you shut up."

Finn lets out a loud gasp. "Now, now, that is no way for a young lady to talk!" he places three shots directly in front of me, "Please do be quiet and take this nice row of shots we have so thoughtfully gathered just for you." I grin and raise my middle finger in front of Finn's face, before I start tossing back the shots.

"Ha! If only she wasn't kidding." Cato slurs while raising his head from the table, "It's a miracle I had balls left by the time we broke up." He chuckled to himself as Glimmer's eyes went wide.

"Shut up Cato" he mimicked in a high pitched voice, "I'm an independent woman. I can take care of myself. Less talking, more fu-"

"Better get him home!" Chirped Glimmer, "Don't want to be hung-over for the big

dinner tomorrow!"

"Babe, I'm a groomsman. I can do what I want okay." Cato's head slowly made its way back to the table. Glimmer slapped his shoulder and whispered something in his ear that caused him to immediately bolt up into a standing position. She hooked her arm around his and flashed us an eerily wide smile while she helped Cato out of the bar.

"Wouldn't want to be him tonight," Johanna snorted, "did you see that death glare? That's a look she usually reserves just for you Katniss!"

"Ha ha Johanna. Let's not forget who threatened to throw an axe at her head the next time she flips her hair in Thom's direction."

Johanna cocked one of her eyebrows and held up her glass, muttering something that sounded vaguely like, "bitch" before finishing her beer.

We'd been tossing back shots and downing beers in that reckless fashion that only comes about when someone you know is about to make a significant step into adulthood. It was as if drinking ourselves back into a juvenile state was enough to keep looming responsibility at bay. As Johanna was taking a tally of everyone who wanted another beer, Thresh suddenly stood up.

"I've got to pick up Gale from the airport." His message was for everyone, but I knew he was addressing me. "See you tomorrow."

"Stop being so damn sober and responsible!" Finn shouted at Thresh's retreating back. "Hawthorne has the money now, let him take a cab like the rest of us bourgeoisie swine!"

It had been a few months since I'd seen Gale, and honestly, I had no idea if I was excited for his brief return, or irritated. Of course I knew it was inevitable that we would run into each other during the ceremony, Finn had been his roommate and friend for the last four years, and I was the one who introduced our notorious Casanova to Annie, but with so much anger and doubt still left between Gale and I… I wasn't sure how we were even supposed to act around each other. The look Annie shot me after Thresh's announcement implied that skewering Gale in eye with my bow would be frowned upon, so I was back at square one.

"So I finally get to meet pretty boy, huh?" Johanna leaned back in her chair, a mischievous flicker in her eyes, "I guess you two should probably just screw now,"

Delly spit out the beer she had been drinking when she saw Jo motion between me and Peeta. "

You know, get tall, dark and brooding something to be jealous about…" My jaw is hanging open and Peeta looks like he's been shot "… or at least get it in before he fucks everything up again."

"That's enough Jo" Annie soft voice reins her back in. My friends had been by side the last handful of months, helping me pick up the pieces of a heart I didn't even know still existed after Gale left. I understood that Johanna's favorite way of showing her love is to be as crass as humanely possibl, but I was still too raw to deal with too much Gale-bashing.

"It's fine, I'm actually feeling pretty beat. I think I'll walk home and get some of that beauty rest Madge is always talking about. I want to look my best when I'm meeting the Odair's and Cresta's." I leaned over and planted a kiss on Annie's forehead and gathered my purse for the 9-block walk home.

"I'll walk with you," Peeta blushed as the all eyes at the table turned to him, "you know, make sure you make it home safe."

I ignored Johanna's loud grunt as I motioned Peeta over, "That would be great, thanks."

**A short one y'all, but I'm working on something a bit/a lot more spicy to throw your way soon.**


	6. Support Sytems and other Psycho-Babble

**Summer 2008:**

"I'd like to start today's session off by discussing support systems."

At Dr. A's words I saw the rest of the room sigh or roll their eyes in disapproval.

"Now I know the purpose of this group is to unravel the complicated, and often destructive, relationships that you may have with your parents, most people's go-to support system, but I think delving into the other relationships you have created can be an important step in the healing process." Dr. A stared at the rest of, expecting someone to jump in right away.

"Well, Dr. A, now that you mention it, everyone that has I've gone to for support over the years has ended up in a casket, so perhaps you'd like to address one of the other broken bitches." Johanna's arms were crossed, and it was clear this was one of those sessions that she'd close herself off.

"What about you Katniss? You've been with us for a couple of months now, and I think the rest of the group has been hoping you'd start to share your story."

It took me a couple of minutes to realize that Dr. A was speaking to me. I had spent the last handful of months as quiet as possible, only responding with sympathetic nods and gestures as it seemed appropriate.

"Uh, okay," I was still staring down at my folded hands in my lap, "well, I used to go to my Dad whenever I was upset, which wasn't often, but after he died I wasn't sure who I could talk to."

I reluctantly looked up to address the rest of the group. "I guess there was Gale." Johanna perked up at the mention of a male's name in my story, "His dad was in my parent's band. Mr. Hawthorne played the guitar, mandolin, and a bunch of other things for the two of them while they were on the road."

My eyes switched back to my lap, unsure of how to continue, "When I was about 12, my Dad, and Gale's, went out on the road again. They were in high demand as they were still seen as some part of this genuine, activist, folk-hero collective. My mom had decided to stay home with Prim and I at the last minute, but dad soldiered on. Somewhere near Michigan, their bus driver fell asleep at the wheel, or at least that's what they told us happened, and the tour bus skidded off of a bridge. Both of our fathers died that day, leaving the two of us to take care of our families... and I guess each other." I finally looked up and the group was silent.

"There was one survivor, my parent's agent and mentor of sorts, Haymitch Abernathy. When my mother broke down and started taking all the pills, he suddenly showed up at our house and took over the day-to-day stuff, you know making sure bills were paid and that Prim and I always ate dinner at somewhat decent hour. Sure, he's perpetually drunk, but he's taken care of us ever since." I let out a small chuckle, surprising even Dr. A.

"Haymitch can't stand me, or at least he pretends like it most of the time, but he really loves Prim. I've caught him carrying her upstairs after she's fallen asleep on the coach and then singing her back to sleep. He's sweet, he's just in the same place as me, and my mom, and hell… Gale."

"And what place is that?" Dr. A asked.

"Somewhere in between soul-crushing sadness and necessary denial, numbness I guess. I supposed getting wasted all the time helps with that."

**Spring 2007: **

Even thought it was only my freshmen year, I had been so caught up in school and getting top honors that I had left very little time to be social. Dating was completely out of the question as it took all of my energy to get Prim to school, empty a bucket of cold water on Haymitch, and make sure my mother was functioning. I didn't have time to stare awkwardly at a relative stranger across the table from me at some sort of cheesy diner. I had already accepted the fact that next year I would have to move back home, and couldn't renew my lease with Madge, but I still struggled with the fact that I was giving up the small bit of freedom I had finally achieved.

The only real respite I felt all year was when Gale began speaking to me again around Christmas break. I had begun hooking up with one of us his roommates a couple of months ago, and when Gale found out he was absolutely livid. He never explained his anger to me, and I never felt like I had to justify my actions to him so I came over to his house and headed straight for Cato's bedroom while he pretended like he hadn't seen me.

It all changed the night after a busy Christmas day, which our families had always spent together, and he knocked quietly at my door.

"What are you doing here? You could have woken up Prim!" I hissed at him through the crack in the door.

His strong hands caught the edge of the door and began prying it open, "I've missed you Catnip, I feel like I owe you apology."

"Damn straight you do! You haven't said so much as five words to me since October!"

"What do you say we hang out like we did in high school?" He stepped through the door and quietly began making his way towards my bedroom. He waved the handle of rye whiskey in his hand, and I braced myself for an eventful evening.

We sat on opposite sides of my bed as Gale stretched his long arm over to hand me the non-descript bottle that was housing his drink of choice. Now rye whiskey can be as potent as your run of the mill Jack Daniels, but Gale's aunt Sae had been brewing her own concoction for years. Her batches always came out significantly more potent than they were supposed to. I took a deep swig, and then another as I caught his gaze, waiting for his apology.

"Look, I know I've been a royal jackass this semester." I took another swig of whiskey. He cocked his eyebrow at me, knowing I was a lightweight.

"Hey Hawthorne, no judgment! Honestly, if you want to get on my good side, you're going to let me drink as much as I want." I hissed angrily at him.

"Fair." Gale shook his head, clearly flustered. "I just… I hated seeing you with that idiot Cato." His face became hard and serious. "I know this year has been rough for you, but I don't see how fucking blonde and brainless was going to make you feel any better." My frown was slowly fading. I wanted to stay angry, but I know he had a point.

"I've taken care of you all these years, I know what to do when you're scared, when you're angry, when you can't get you're mom to move, when you need to be even _a little_ bit harsh towards Prim…"

I stopped swigging and looked into his eyes. Suddenly this was going somewhere I never really saw coming. I honestly thought he had just gotten himself worked up over my poor taste in men, and that he knew if anything went wrong he'd be dealing with it at home and with me.

"I guess I just couldn't stand the fact that his hands were on you, making you feel wanted, and strong, and… sexy. All the things that I knew you were but you refused to see. That was supposed to me Catnip. I wanted to be the first…"

Gale never finished his sentence; instead he wrestled the whiskey from my hands and began taking monster swigs from the bottle.

"Gale..." I could feel my frustration and confusion bubbling under the surface and willed it all to stay back, "I had no idea. I just assumed no one would be good enough for your approval, or you never realized that I was finally grown-up, and that's why you were being so pissy."

I grabbed the bottle once more and drank deeply. "It was easy to be with him you know, I was never afraid of what would happen if he left. It was so… so wonderfully meaningless. Ha!" I started laughing dryly as Gale took the bottle back.

"It doesn't have to be like that Catnip." Gale's eyes had narrowed and were becoming darker. I couldn't tell if it was because of the way we were downing the whiskey rapid fire, or if it was something else entirely.

"Oh yeah, and how was my first time supposed to be Gale Hawthorne?" He winced at my use of his full name, taking a long drag from the bottle before I grabbed it back and chugged before I continued.

"Did you get candles flickering in the soft breeze coming from an open window? Were the white silken drapes flying wildly, and smooth jazz playing softly from her speakers near her luxurious king-sized bed?

"Hardly." Gale scoffed. "And what did you get Katniss?" I took another deep drink. "Did Cato take you to his room, or did he just lean you over the bathroom sink during some frat party?"

"Fuck you." I shoved the bottle back at Gale and got up, making my way towards the door, swaying slightly, when he grabbed my hand.

"Fuck, I'm sorry Catnip. I'm so sorry. This isn't how this was supposed to go." He breathed deeply. "Plus, where are you going? It is your house after all…" He had a point and I sat near him on the bed hating the stupid smirk on his face.

"Look, I'm just trying to say…he can't possibly make you feel the way I can. He won't take his time with you." By this time, Gale was close enough to whisper in my ear. The whiskey was taking hold, and that combined with his familiar scent was making me dizzy.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice now just a hoarse whipser.

"Don't tell me you've never thought what it would be like for the two of us? We're so in synch when we are just playing music together. Imagine what it would like to go to bed with someone who could read you so well."

Gale was clearly enjoying himself, and the fact that I was probably beet red by now didn't help. He knew I could be squeamish about this sort of thing and he was thoroughly enjoying making me squirm

"Has he ever made you come… to completion?"

"Gale!" I slapped his arm and scooted towards the wall. We didn't talk like this. We had grown up together. Gale didn't think about me in this way.

"I'll take that as a no." Gale laughed to himself.

"So? Have you ever even had an orgasm? You seem a little uptight about the whole thing." Gale's eyes were boring holes into mine at this point.

"I mean… sort of?" He rolled his eyes. "Fine, not really. I just… Cato hasn't been able to … _get me there_, and every time I try on my own…" Gale was listening with rapt attention at this point, "I just hate feeling like I'm losing control. I always just stop."

All of a sudden, he looked at me with nothing but seriousness and a burning desire in his eyes, his smirk completely gone. I became incredibly nervous, but I knew that I didn't want him to stop.

I sat upright against my headboard as I watched him slowly crawl towards me. It was strange, I always thought this image would be incredibly cheesy, like something I would see in a romantic comedy, but as I stared at the muscles tensing in his shoulders and the feral look in his eyes as he slowly made his way towards me, I understood that what was happening was purely instinctual. I wanted every part of him. I wanted him to smother me with his taut, hard body and completely give in to each and everyone of his touches.

I could tell by the way he crawled towards me and quickly enveloped my body that he had been waiting for years to devour me, become a part of me, and take control of each and every one of the shots of pleasure shooting through my nerves.

I relished the feeling of his body on top of mine while his lips captured mine. He paused only to pull his shirt over his shoulders, and I couldn't help but reach out and begin tracing the muscles that run from his stomach, to his hips, and ending at the two hollow valleys flanking his sided that were halfway hidden by his pants. Embolden by my touch, he grasped at the hem of my tank top. With a slight nod I gave him permission to pull it over my head. He unhooked my bra as well, and soon it was gone as well. We stayed that way for a while, just enjoying the feeling of each other's bare chests and the heat emanating from our lower bodies pressed tightly together. He took one of my breasts into his mouth and I felt my eyes rolling back into my head.

He released his mouth and dismounted me so he could whisper in my ear, "I want to give you an orgasm. I want you to feel beautiful." I was shocked at his admission. Sure, this is something that had crossed my idle mind every once and while, but I still couldn't believe it was actually happening. Gale Hawthorne was upset that I have never experienced an orgasm, and in order to make it right, he wanted to give me one. Right here, in my bed, in my mother's house, with the same hands that I've watched innocently strum a guitar a thousand times.

I wanted this, so badly that I let him unbutton my pants and helped him roll them down my legs, discarding them by the side of the bed. He lay next to me and took hold of my right hand. I could feel it tremble slightly as he guided it towards the top of the black panties I had carelessly put on earlier. He stared me in the eyes as he lead my hand underneath the flimsy cotton fabric. He quickly found my delicate folds, and I was shocked at how wet I had become from merely anticipating what was to come. He led my hand as I stroked up and down my opening, slowly and steadily building my anticipation, and exploring a part of me that had always seemed overwhelming and unnerving.

My breath quickened and he moved my fingers toward the sensitive bundle of nerves that had always made me nervous before. He guided my fingers in a circular motion over the sensitive spot, and I quickly felt the pressure build.

He shifted until he was pressed firmly up against my side, and I could see that his eyes were completely transfixed on our two clasped hands. It was almost like he couldn't believe that he was a part of my increasing pleasure and excitement. The longer he kept his hand on top of mine, rubbing my most sensitive spot, the more I squirmed and tried to reposition myself. My hips began bucking against the pressure.

Gale bit the bottom of his lip in concentration and then moved his hand away.

"Keep going," he urged me. I suddenly felt self-conscious on my own, but I certainly didn't want to stop. All I could do was alternately arch my back and raise my hips as I longed for release from all the tantalizing pressure. My right hand kept up the circle motions that Gale had been controlling only moments before. Before long I couldn't stop my hips from rising to meet the motions.

" I want you inside me," I begged. I had no idea where this came from, I only knew that the more the pressure built, the more I was aching to be filled." Gale ran his hands through his hair. "I feel so empty." I gasped as he clearly struggled to restrain himself.

"Take you left hand, and push one of your fingers inside," he instructed.

I obeyed him instantly and though it was strange at first, I began to love this new sensation. He urged me to push another finger inside.

He told me to curl my fingers as if I was I beckoning someone towards me, ushering them to come closer. The spot I began to hit was earth-shatteringly amazing. I never knew I could feel this good, and as my two hands worked myself into a frenzy, I let my hips rise and fall, not caring what Gale saw.

I hadn't noticed that he had unzipped his pants and lowered his boxers, revealing his impressive length. His hand was moving up and down his rigid member, as he was transfixed on the sight before him. I bucked my hips wildly and tossed my head back and forth and thought I couldn't take much more. I lost all sense of reality and all I cared about was the pressure building in my center. I arched my back as I emitted small gasps and moans.

The pressure was almost unbearable when his hand joined mine once again. Just feeling his hand on mine once again was enough to send me over the edge and I gasped as my walls began contracting wildly against our joined hands. I closed my eyes shut and could only see bright spots of red, yellow and orange over a black background.

As I was coming down from incredible high all I could think was that I'd have to add this to my list of firsts that I'd experience alongside Gale Hawthorne.

**Now, I know there are some rabid K/P shippers out that may not be overly pleased with the direction this fic is taking, but everyone knows that sometimes you have to go through the bad in order to know the good when it sneaks up and suddenly starts making out with you. That's the saying, right?**


	7. Beer Induced Sincerity and Patsy Cline

**Present Day:**

The walk home from the bar passed easily. I was amazed at the way I still felt completely at ease around Peeta, even after two years.

"Honestly, I can't believe you're back." I smiled at Peeta, "it's a pleasant surprise."

"Yeah, well I can't believe Johanna is your boss. I thought by now you'd be at ranting and raving at the man about deforestation in D.C. somewhere."

"Yeah, so did I. I worked on this really innovative water conservation project for a while, but it didn't quite work out the way I planned. I've been working at Johanna's bar for just about six months now. I guess I never got that memo about moving on and moving up after graduation."

Peeta chuckled quietly and shook his head back and forth, "well, you may not believe it Ms. Everdeen, but I can relate better than you know. My work situation isn't exactly… stable. Hell, nothing about the art world is stable, certainly not the people. I'm so tired of playing everyone's stupid social games and hearing abut the same lofty, bullshit concepts they talked about at the last gallery showing.

"Well, at least you get some kind of lofty conversation. Last week the most intellectual stimulation I got involved a very passionate defense of the Dallas Cowboys. Apparently they are "America's Team," who knew? Also, Delly told me something about you being an artist in residence at the University of Houston… that sounds pretty legit."

"It is," Peeta paused, "or at least it would be if I knew what the hell I was doing."

We walk a bit in silence and it surprisingly isn't all that awkward. I can tell we are both a little lost in thought and I'm glad he's not afraid to let a quiet moment pass between us.

"So, I guess you didn't have to go to a fancy art school to get your name out there after all?" We were nearing my house and I became desperate to try and find a way to prolong the conversation.

"Guess not, I got lucky, that's all." Peeta pulled his hand through his hair, clearly a little self-conscious about the shift in conversation. "My senior project got noticed by someone big in the L.A. art scene and suddenly, my pieces started popping up in galleries."

He paused and his deep blue eyes met mine, "To be honest, I'm still not sure how I feel about all of it. I hardly think what's on display is my best work," He let out a long sigh, "not by long shot."

"Hey, I'm sure you deserve it. Delly tells me you are quite the prodigy."

"Yeah, well Delly would say that if I was selling the same macaroni necklace I made her in second grade."

We had reached my door and neither of us made a motion to move.

Peeta cleared his throat, "maybe this is the four… or five, shots talking but, I feel like I would really regret it if I let you get away without telling you how happy I was to wake up with you that morning, you know, a while ago."

Of course I knew which morning he was referring to, after all it was the _only _morning we had actually spent together. I was as surprised as he was when he woke up to find myself still there, head on his chest and curled up against him. I never let myself spend the night with someone; I was too worried they'd catch me having one of melancholy mornings, the ones where it took me an hour or so just to get out bed and the anxiety was constantly threatening to make its way up my esophagus, making it impossible to eat or hold a conversation.

Peeta posed a unique problem for me, how was I supposed to communicate with someone so damn sincere? Sure, I've only been around him twice, but both times he had no trouble voicing what he was feeling in that moment and why. This was such a foreign concept in my world and I wasn't convinced that giving into his seeming sincerity would be less damaging than just closing myself off.

"Well, you did make the best eggs benedict I have ever had in my life, so I guess I was decently pleased as well." And with that I had once again matched emotional availability with oblique sarcasm.

Yet, by the way he leaned in even closer, I gathered he wasn't too offended. I reached out and began letting my hands make circles on his chest over his shirt. The light contact wasn't something I'd usually initiate, but that at this point I'd doing anything to keep from talking about feelings anymore. Forcing physical closeness was far a less courageous act than actually admitting I had a good time with someone.

He began bending down, bringing his head mere centimeters to mine. "I'll see you tomorrow, plus-one." I braced myself for his soft lips on mine, yet his head moved to the side at the last minute and he placed a chaste kiss on my cheek.

"We have an audience," he whispered and pointed towards the living room window right next to us. I jumped at the sight of a scowling Haymitch wearing an old robe, a flask in one hand as the other 's pointer finger waved back and forth chastising us.

"Right, well it's clearly past my curfew. Please excuse me while I go pummel the unstable father-figure inside." Peeta gave me one last brilliant smile before walking away.

"So you decided twenty-four would a good age to start parenting me, huh?" My hands were on my hips and I could feel the dizziness I was feeling earlier being quickly replaced with frustration. Haymitch merely stared nonchalantly at me and took another swig from his flask.

"Sorry, allow me to be more blunt, what the hell was that Haymitch?"

He paused and furrowed his brows as if in deep thought, "Sweetheart, I'm sure blondie is a perfectly nice boy, but the endless tirade of angry chick rock has finally come to an end." He put his hand on my shoulder, "I'm doing this for my own sanity, not to keep tabs on you. I can't do any more Fiona Apple for a while darlin', so maybe just stay clear of the men folk for a while and save us all our eardrums."

As usual, I wanted to throttle the aging man in front of me, but I knew his heart was in right place.

Satisfied with my silence Haymitch smiled and sauntered past me towards the stairs. "I'll burn you some Pasty Cline just in case you picked another winner," he yelled over his shoulder.


	8. Whine and Dash

**So I forgot to say this at the beginning of the last chapter but many thanks for all the reviews! I was stuck between two COMPLETELY different chapters and your input definitly helped me out. Also, the brief song snippet was written by a band called The Civil Wars. They jam reeeeeeeeeeal good, give 'em a listen.**

* * *

**Present Day:**

"What the fuck?!"

"Jo! Please keep it down, my sister is still asleep!" I'm in my room attempting to pull on tights and feeling like I may die of heat exhaustion at any given moment even though it is late fall in Texas.

"Fine, fine. But Christ, not even first base?" I stop my movements and glare at the tattooed pixie sitting on my bed. "Also, what exactly does your family have against air-conditioning again?"

"I told you, Haymitch forgot to pay the electric bill. It should be back on tomorrow. He's usually really good about all of that, but he's been pretty frazzled lately, what with Effie…"

"NO!" Johanna quickly covers her ears, "I do **not** want to hear any more about their frantic geriatric sex. I heard enough of it last month" She feigns throwing up on the floor and I can't help but laugh.

My mother's house is in walking distance of the bar, and a handful of my friends usually end up crashing here after our nights out. Admittedly, the crowd has significantly lessened since Haymitch became infatuated with over-the-top event planner down the street.

"Fine, no more sex talk, especially because there is nothing to report on my end. Peeta just walked me home and kissed me on the cheek like a perfect gentleman."

I only told Johanna about the very end of my journey home, and I didn't mention that during our walk we had talked about the last time we had seen each other, or that if Haymitch hadn't interrupted us I probably would have pulled him inside and straddled him on the living room couch.

"Alright, alright. But seriously, we are done with these horrible death traps." Johanna takes advantage of the fact that I am lost in thought and wrestles me to the ground, grabbing at the stockings half way up my calves.

"Fine, fine." I lay on the floor, exhausted and sweating. "You know I'm not good at this sort of thing."

I motion towards the pile of dresses on my bed that Madge and Delly had deemed suitable for the two of us. They were arriving early to the rehearsal dinner and didn't trust the two of us to show up dressed appropriately. Considering that this afternoon Johanna had marched from her car to my door in jean cut-offs and a bra, and I answered in the spandex and tank top I ran in that morning I couldn't blame them.

"You know what would make this easier?" Johanna wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively.

"I'll get the white wine from the fridge." Jo and I may not have the best fashion sense, but damnit if we couldn't drink like champions.

By the time I scrounge up two wine glasses and grab the bottle from the fridge, Prim is in my room and holding up options for Johanna, analyzing them carefully. Prim is pre-med at Penn and even though I'm incredibly proud of her for flying the coop, I'm overjoyed that she's home for the summer and I have her all to myself again. I know she is still under a ton of stress so I try to let her sleep as much as possible, even if that means tiptoeing around the house until three in the afternoon.

"What do you think Kit-Kat?" Johanna bats her eyes at me as Prim holds up a tight black number with one sleeve that would effectively cover up the bulk of her tattoos. Annie's family tends to be on the more conservative side, so Johanna and I have been valiantly trying to class it up in her honor.

"It's not too far above the knee, and it's going to fit you like a glove… which I'm sure Thom will enjoy. I say go for it." Johanna smiles and grabs the dress, stripping down in front of us so she can try it on.

Prim looks over at me and merely shrugs. Jo has been over so often lately that the fact that she is basically naked is of no surprise to Prim.

Turning away from Jo, who is now cursing over her current zipper situation, Prim turns towards me; "I picked this out for you Katniss!" Prim is practically bouncing with excitement. I feel a little gloomy, knowing that she would love going to this dinner, and instead I'll be the one there, awkwardly making my way over to the buffet in heels, desperately avoiding enthused family members and basically anyone I knew in college.

With a sigh I grab the dress and strip down to my underwear before pulling it over my head.

"Shit Katniss. Your sister really knows what she's doing!" Johanna looks flabbergasted as she takes me in. I'm dressed in a dark grey number that hugs my body but ends right above my knees. The top has two thick straps and is cut low in the back. The dress even creates the slight allusion of curves, which I thoroughly enjoy. It is a tad more revealing than what I'd normally go for, but it's so hot outside I don't mind the extra exposed skin too much. Plus, Prim has paired it was a demure cardigan to throw on if I was feeling self-conscious.

"Here, take these." Prim hands me a pair of black pumps and I slip them on, feeling tall and powerful.

"Okay, I think we're ready to go right?" I look at Johanna who nods her head furiously in consent.

"Not so fast…" Prim pulls out a giant make up bag and a curling iron. "We've got a lot more prep to do."

"Wine. Now!" Johanna shouts.

"I'll get the second bottle… just in case" I say as I see the almost maniacal sparkle in Prim's eyes. It's going to be a long night.

* * *

"Why do we have to stop here? I do NOT approve of where this is headed. Driver, turn around please!"

"Johanna!" My head whips around the backseat, "First of all, please do not refer to Prim as 'driver', secondly, Gale practically begged me in his voicemail to stop by and he said it would only take a second."

"Jesus brainless, is that why you brought me along?" Johanna's eyes narrowed, "To make sure you didn't end up staying?"

I stared blankly at Johanna, having nothing to say because she was partially right.

"When did I become chaperone? I was present for the first FIVE dates Annie had with Finnick and now this?"

I smiled and hopped out of the car.

"I'm staying in the Volvo!" She shouted at my retreating form, "If Prim and I die in here of heat exhaustion you're going to feel like absolute shit!"

* * *

I didn't realize how nervous I was until I knocked on the door to the rickety house that practically used to be my home. Thresh promptly opened the door, and gave me a knowing smile, motioning me inside.

The living room looked exactly the same as the last time I had been here. A black leather couch across from the TV with holes ripped in the sides from Rue's puppy, and a set of mismatched chairs flanking the sides. Finnick and Cato were already slumped into their respective chairs, entranced by whatever was flashing across the screen. Thresh put his strong hand on my back, nudging me into the room.

"Katniss!" Finnick shouted, "Back for more!" He opened his arms wide, ushering me over to his chair.

"I know, it does sort of feel like freshmen year all over again, knowing the four of you are sleeping here," I replied.

During my freshmen year, I had managed to escape my mother's house. That meant I was free to come and go from my very own apartment whenever I pleased. Most of the time I ended up at Gale's. I've known Gale as far back as I can remember and Thresh since middle school. During high school, along with Madge, the four of us knocked out a lot of "firsts" together: getting drunk, smoking, breaking and entering, skinny dipping, going to a funeral, getting our driver's licenses, and of course, riding in the back of a cop car. After high school, Gale and Thresh found a beautiful house… well, a beautiful, nearly condemned house that needed a lot of work. For five years the boys had lived together, fixing up the place, drinking beer, and generally avoiding adulthood. Cato and Finnick moved in they boy's sophomore year. They were both in the engineering program at UT with Thresh, while Gale was barely scraping by at community college.

Gale never let me come over until I was finally at UT, and he reluctantly began to realize that I wasn't just the little girl in braids that lived down the street anymore. It was strange, knowing that it was only Thresh that owned the house now and that he shared it with his little sister Rue, and Finnick. Well, Finnick for a few more days at least.

"Oh Katniss, this is nothing like your freshmen year," leave it to Cato to break me out of my pleasant sense of nostalgia, "If that was true I would have been carrying you upstairs by now."

"Cato!" Thresh suddenly shouted, which considering his 6"6' frame and muscular frame was always enough to make the entire room freeze in fright, "What is the number one rule when Rue is in the house?"

Both Cato and Finnick answered in an exasperated tone "Don't be a creepy."

"Thank you." Thresh answered with a smile, clearly pleased with himself. "I'll go tell Gale you're here."

As Thresh lumbered upstairs, I made my way into Finnick's still open arms.

"Darling Kitty-Kat, please take a seat in papa Finn's lap."

"What happened to not being creepy?" Cato snorted.

I hesitated mere inches from Finn, but he wrapped his arm around my middle and drug me down to his lap.

"Now, my beautiful, strong-willed, silver-eyed girl," I rolled my eyes at Finn's overly effusive compliments.

"What do you want Finnick?"

Finnick almost looked hesitant as he began, which was strange and unnerving to say the least, "I know it's been a while since you've seen Gale, but seeing as how he is my best man…"

"Yes Finn…" his slow drawl was driving me up the wall.

"And you're one of Annie's bridesmaids…"

"For Christ's sake Fin-"

"Please do not fuck or fight each other, at least for the next 48 hours or so. Pleeeeeaaasssseeee!"

I immediately began to wrestle my way out of Finn's grasp. It's like no one trusted me to have an ounce of constraint or hell, self-respect. Unfortunately for me, Finnick spent a lot more time at the gym than I did and I couldn't break his hold.

"Kit-Kat, I know there's a history there, and I know that you are a strong independent modern woman, but so help me God if the two of you get into some kind of brawl during our reception, I will make sure both of you suffer."

"Fine, Fine!" I gasp and slowly slump against his chest, worn out from my struggles to escape. "No funny business Finn. Now can I please go upstairs?"

"You've been warned Fancy Feast!" He said, finally letting me go. I winced slightly at the mock nickname the boys had given me after hearing Gale call me 'Catnip.'

Just then Thresh came plodding back down the stairs.

"Here," he held out a folded piece of paper, witch I snatched up quickly, "Gale had to take an important phone call. He said he would see you later tonight."

"Of course he did." I rolled my eyes, and then caught Finnick trying to give me a menacing glance.

"I'll see you boys tonight. Thanks Thresh." I leaned in to give Thresh a hug and he wrapped me up in a bone-crushing bear hug.

"No problem Katniss." He released me and then looked me up and down curiously. "You should wear heels more often, it makes me feel like less of a giant."

* * *

I didn't read the not until I was outside walking towards the car. It was a short one, hastily written and sprawling across the page:

" New Stanza?

G: It'd be such a shame

C: If they never meet

G: She sounds lovely

C: He sounds right out of a dream

G: If only

C: If only

Both: If only (Hold note)

Oh, If the right one came,

If the right one came along

Oh, I've got this friend

If the right one came,

If the right one came along."

I hopped back in the car, a curious Prim and Johanna staring at me intently.

"Sooo, what did he want? What did he say?" Prim asked hesitantly.

"Just a bunch of bullshit." I said with a wave of my hand.


	9. Ballroom Body Language and Breakthroughs

**Hi y'all! Sorry it took me a bit longer to post a new chapter, this one was really hard to write. That being said, I don't usually ask for reviews and such, but if you care to let me know what you thought of this chapter, esp. the second half, it would be greatly appreciated. **

**Present Day: **

I'm glad that Johanna and I had broken out the wine before we got here. We were in an incredibly expensive ballroom in the W Hotel downtown. The entire room was awash in soft, intimate lighting and a small, yet utterly intimidating, upper crust crowd was congregating around the bar. Haymitch has managed to drag me to a few swanky events in my day, but this was something else. I tried to find Annie amongst the pearl wearing set, but I didn't see her.

Peeta must have known what I was doing because he as he materialized behind me he nudged my arm and pointed towards the Odair's. They were a mess of ginger and noise, laughing without restraint and slapping each other on the arm. An older, yet incredibly dashing, uncle was already hitting on the cocktail waitress while Delly fruitlessly attempted to intervene. Finn was seated at a table full of what I can only assume were either his cousins or a gaggle of incredibly good-looking siblings he had failed to mention. Annie sat on his lap, her head resting on his shoulder, looking up periodically in order to laugh along with the handsome group before her.

"It's nice to see her so happy." I took in a deep breath, feeling like I could finally relax a bit knowing that Annie felt comfortable. "It's hard to believe that just a week ago her parents let her know they weren't coming."

Johanna and I found her the night she had found out, balled up and shaking on the couch in her dark apartment. Jo immediately crawled up next to her, taking the small figure into her arms as I went outside to call Finn. I wish I could have been like Jo, selflessly embracing someone else's grief-wracked body, but offering comfort, or hell, any kind of physical contact wasn't something I was particularly good at.

I took in another breath, shakier this time, "I was so afraid it was going to be just like it used to be." I turn towards Peeta, suddenly aware that I had spoken the last sentence out loud, "Sorry, I just mean… I love it when she's happy, oh, and when she laughs!"

"Me too." Peeta smiled down at me and his hand began to slowly trail across my back, leaving a wake of warmth behind that caused my breath to hitch and my stomach to tighten. I was smiling up at him when I saw Delly striding up to us out of the corner of my eye.

"So I heard you stole my date Everdeen, even after I shipped him in fresh from Houston." Delly's eyes looked liked they could spit fire. "All I have to say is you two better make Cato feel as uncomfortable as shit, and Gale feel like eating shit if I have to make this sacrifice." Delly cracked a smile and Peeta noticeably relaxed.

"Just be irritatingly smitten for the next 48 hours for me and I won't be pissed, okay kids? Your good friend Delly needs to live vicariously through someone else in order to get through this weekend."

"I don't think that'll be a problem Delly." Peeta eyes wandered languidly over me. His honesty made me squirm, but I had to admit, it was nice to know that I wouldn't need to go through this alone, and that I'd get to avoid the inevitable single-Katniss pity party.

"Maybe even find Glitter or whatever and cause a scene or two while you're at. Lord knows that I could use a little bit of petty drama to distract me as well." Delly sighed eyeing the two of us.

Giving up her date must have been challenging for the type-A, she probably booked his ticket the day after Annie announced her engagement, but I knew the only thing she liked more than meticulous planning was being matchmaker. I'd give into her harmless meddling if it meant I'd have a partner crime throughout this whole affair.

"Also, did you and Johanna really have to pick out the only two skin tight outfits that Madge and I left for you?" Delly reached over and began smoothing out the charcoal material bunched around my waist. I shrugged, not really willing to talk fashion when she was this manic, "I should have just handed you the…"

"I think you look fantastic, darling." Peeta complimented me, wrapping his arm tighter around my waist, giving me a small squeeze to punctuate his compliment.

"You are the very best makeshift-boyfriend ever." I leaned in and gave Peeta a peck on the cheek. For a moment I thought I saw him blush slightly, but it chalked it up to Delly's scrutiny.

"Now that's what I like to see you two! Milk it for all it's worth!" Delly squeaked and wrapped us both up in bear hug.

After I pulled away, I decided to tentatively breach the subject I had been curious about for months now, "So I guess that leaves you free to invite…" Delly quickly cut me off, already anticipating my train of thought.

"I'm going to talk to Annie about it later tonight. I don't want to ruffle any feathers…" Delly blushed and looked up, " but I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't be nice, you know, having someone to slow dance with for a change."

"Hey now! I'm an excellent slow-dancer!" Peeta staggered backwards as though he had been shot.

"Yeah about that, watch out for your toes Katniss," and with that Delly flounced away.

Surprisingly, the rest of the night went pretty smoothly. I had managed to avoid Gale, Madge reeled in Delly's neurotic micro-managing, and after Peeta discovered the infinity tattoo on my right shoulder he spent the rest of the night absent-mindedly tracing it with his fingers, sending shiver after shiver down my spine.

Even Glimmer managed to give me something slightly resembling a compliment, "Good job Everdeen," she whispered to me as we both waited for drinks by the bar, "your new boy-toy is pretty hot."

"Ummm, thanks I guess?" I watched as her eyes raked over Peeta hungrily.

"So how many times did you have to put out before he agreed to be seen with you in public?" Glimmer grabbed her glass of white wine and turned to face me.

I snatched up my whiskey ginger, "Why do you ask Glimmer? Trying to figure out what you'll be in for when you poach another one of my hand-me-downs?" I quickly turned and waltzed back over to my seat next to Peeta, too distracted by his broad smile to even bother looking back to see the sour face that went along with Glimmer's offended huff.

I reclaimed my seat, and Peeta's hand reclaimed its spot on my shoulder. I let out a heavy sigh of content as I surveyed the room, my gaze finally coming to rest on the happy couple. Annie and Finnick were ridiculously distracted by each other, and while the rest of the wedding party hit their marks during rehearsal, they had a hard time keeping their hands off of each other. Annie's transformation was still jarring. Gone was the girl that shuddered at every touch, replaced by a stunning woman full of joy, with a man at her side that happily catered to each and every one of her ticks and anxieties.

Though I'd rather be drawn and quartered than admit it, watching the two of them, their subtle tender glances and reassuring touches, made me less afraid of that all too terrifying concept of 'forever.' A concept that was so much greater, and so much more elusive, than ''til death do us part.'

* * *

**Fall 2010:**

Though the four of us, well five if you count Dr. A, had been at this for almost two years now, today's session was one of the toughest we had ever encountered. We had lived through the epic screaming match between Delly and Johanna after Delly forced Jo to admit that not everyone in her family was actually dead, rather they were just dead to her. Even I had survived admitting that I had been hiding all the sharp objects in the house since I was 13 out of the fear that Prim and I would come home from school and find my mother cold and bleeding on the floor.

Yet, this session, like any session in which Annie shared, was particularly difficult. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, she was the heart and soul of our little group, without her we would lose that essential sense of compassion and warmth that we all really craved. And today Annie wasn't just sharing, today Annie was breaking down.

"Jo, do you ever think that you are so attracted to sleazy guys and casual sex because you're afraid that if you spend more than one night with someone you're going to wake up one morning to discover they are just like your father?" Delly crossed her arms and pursed her lips, challenging Johanna, as only she was brave enough to do.

"Delly, do you ever think that the reason why you are so judgmental of my lifestyle is because you're jealous of the way I can get my rocks off whenever I want to without a second thought? A little different than the way your celibate ass functions, isn't it?" Johanna sneered back at Delly, the two of them locked in a vicious staring contest.

Without breaking eye contact, Johanna leaned forward towards Delly who was sitting across from her, "Come on precious little Delly, when was the last time you even rubbed one out?" Dr. A loudly cleared her throat and made a motion cutting Johanna off when Annie suddenly piped up, silencing everyone.

"He ruined me." No one moved, frozen by the Annie's quiet confession.

"He RUINED me, for all of this!" After all this time, I had never heard Annie raise her voice, and something about it shook me to the core.

"I can never be in a normal relationship, you know? Who would have the patience to put up with me? And casual sex?" Her head whipped towards Johanna, "HA! If someone so much as grabs my shoulders in a crowded bar I feeling like screaming!" She was speaking quickly, her train of thought building frantically.

"It's not fair, I… I was only sixteen!" she was addressing all of us now, taking turns trying to catch each of our eyes, "How am I supposed to trust anyone? How I am supposed to know that I am safe? That my body is safe? How I am supposed to get married and have a family if every time my husband touches me I think about HIM!" At this her voices cracks and she brings her legs up on the couch, hugging her knees to her chest, staring down at her feet.

"Now Annie…" Dr. A began, only to be cut off by Annie's hoarse voice one more.

"No. NO! You don't understand!" Her voice was breaking, and we could tell that though it was almost physically painful for her to continue speaking, she felt as though she needed to. "He… he always reminded me… that I didn't want my Dad to lose his job, right?" She continued through her sobs, the rest of us looking on at a loss for words while Dr. A scribbled on her notepad furiously. "I didn't want my family to starve, right? He said it was out little secret… and it was… HE always told me I was so beautiful, and so good for keeping our relationship, HA! …_our relationship_, between just the two of us."

Her hands were balled up in tiny fists and her body was shaking furiously. "They didn't believe me when I told them anyway. They didn't understand why I was making up such terrible lies about a man that had been so good to our family."

Annie took in a deep breath and finally looked up again, "I guess I'm just afraid that after everything that's HE's taken from me, HE may have taken my ability to be truly intimate with someone, to love someone too."

My hands were clawing into my legs, leaving deep red welts as I held myself together despite the barrage of emotions swirling through me. I looked up as I heard Delly sniff. She had grabbed a tissue from her pocket and tears were silently spilling down her face, causing her expensive mascara to run.

When Annie finally stopped shaking and curled up on the couch, Johanna did what she did best; she approached the burning fire of anger and grief that the rest of us feared, and embraced it. She gathered Annie into her arms and promised her that she was going to find someone who would be patient with her, someone who would make her feel safe and loved, someone who would not only understand her, but worship the ground she walked on because despite everything that she had been through, she was the kindest soul any of us had ever met.

And then she promised that we would never let anyone hurt Annie like that again.

**Thanks for reading, as always darlins'. I promise more fluff n' "stuff" (nudge, nudge) next chapter.**


	10. Sweat and the Inevitable Dirty Laundry

**Present Day:**

It was the day of the wedding and I was frozen in my bed. I had the nightmare again, well…it's not really a nightmare I guess, more like flashes of a memory that's become twisted and contorted in my subconscious. It visits me whenever I'm feeling anxious. First, I feel like I am engulfed in fire, the room that Prim and I share goes in and out of focus as I hear her cries next to me. They are getting softer and softer and I know she's slipping away from me as I lie next her, completely helpless. I try to sit up and take her into my arms, but my limbs refuse to move. Darkness engulfs me until I hear a familiar voice… Haymitch's voice. I can hear him yelling at my mother, he's trying to figure out how long we've been sick, but she can't talk. I know she wants to help, but she's just so tired; she sits up waiting for Daddy all night. She wants to be ready when he comes back for her. A statuesque silhouette is framed in the doorway and strides toward me. Even though I feel like it may rend my throat to shreds, I scream for the figure to pick up Prim first, she's shivering and wont' drink water anymore, and then I give into the darkness.

After I woke up from the dream, completely drenched in sweat and clinging to my pillow desperately, I do as I always do and sneak quietly down the hallway, open Prim's door and make sure she is still here with me. I tried to go back to sleep, knowing I had a full day ahead of me, but I continued tossing and turning all night and I finally gave up on sleep around 4 a.m. I watched the sun slowly filter in through my window and cast trembling blocks of light on my wall and wondered if this was what the dread that came along with cold feet felt like.

Over the years I had become an expert in dealing with crisis situations, I always managed to snap my mother out of whatever stupor she was in when it was important, and I had learned how to truly be there for someone else during my time in Dr. A's office. Yet when it came to celebration, I was at a complete loss. I had no idea how I was supposed to handle all the revelry; embraces, unrestrained joy, and talk of love when all I could focus on was how self-conscious and exposed all those things made me.

I grabbed my running shoes and headed out the door. If anything could help me make sense of the mess of doubt and trepidation in my mind right now, running could. As my feet rhythmically pounded the concrete, I pulled in as much crisp morning air as I could. After about an hour I had finally lost myself in the oblivion of exhaustion and endorphin highs and I returned home, only to find Delly waiting for me on my front porch. Her restless legs were shaking with excitement and her smile vaguely reminded me of a psychotic Cheshire Cat. I briefly thought about hightailing it back to the trail around Lady Bird Lake before finally jogging towards the crazed ball of energy now bounding down the steps towards me. Instead of leaning in for a hug as she usually did, she pushed me from behind, "Quick shower! Now! I have your bag packed and Jo is waiting in the car."

"Took you long enough" Johanna huffed from the backseat.

"Good morning to you too." I slid into passenger seat and surveyed the car. Finnick was driving the large black SUV, Jo and Delly were in the back, while Madge and a pile of flowers rode in the middle.

"Finn, what the hell are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be sleeping in, or yukking it up with the boys right now?"

"Katniss," Finn turned towards me, taking my hand in his, "I couldn't sleep at all last night and I thought I might as well be helpful. Naturally I called Delly, who promptly gave me an extensive list of chores." He gestured at the brunette, who looked smug at the acknowledgement.

"Can you believe that in a few hours I will be Mr. Cresta?" He released my hand and sighed loudly. "I finally found my temptress in shining armor."

Finn started the car as I settled back into my seat, smiling widely at the ridiculous, love-struck man to my left. We rode in silence for a while before I felt a tap on my shoulder, and noticed Madge holding out a croissant for me. I grabbed it greedily and mouthed "thank you" to her as Finn broke the silence.

"So I know it's bad luck to see the bride in her dress before the actual ceremony, but what about just seeing the bride the morning of the wedding?"

"Why do you ask Finnick?" Delly replied her jaw clenched, "getting worried?"

"Oh no, not at all, at least not on my end. That girl is way too good for me!" Finn paused as the rest of listened with bated breath. "To be honest, I was worried she was coming down with what they called "cold feet" but then Annie eased my worries this morning…"

"Well that's good!" Delly interrupted.

"… in the shower." A resounding groan of annoyance echoed through the car, followed by silence.

"… and then again on the kitchen counter." he chuckled to himself.

"Shut up Finn!" we all shouted simultaneously.

* * *

When we finally arrived at the church I was greeted by an exhausting whirlwind of ivory and lace. For the next handful of hours I found myself being relentlessly pushed, prodded, hurried, and primped.

It's not that I didn't enjoy all the joyful hustle and bustle that came along with the day; it was just that even simple things seem to exhaust me recently, let alone everything that went along with a wedding. Since my mother and Gale left I'd been losing weight again, which probably accounted for my fatigue. I really hadn't noticed anything was all that different until Cinna had to make some last minute adjustments to my bridesmaid dress and then wrapped me protectively in his arms, kissing me lightly on the forehead when he was done.

Cinna had been my parents' designer for ages, and knew me better than anyone else, even Prim. My little sister is my world, but in order to protect her I've had to hide a lot from her as well. Cinna knew it all, and was always there for me when I felt like I couldn't possibly be strong anymore. He was the heroic shadow in my dreams, collecting a wheezing Prim into his arms. He even offered to design all the dresses for the wedding, now whether this was due to his unconditional love for me, or the fact that he nearly had a design-induced-heart attack every time he saw Annie's angelic face and killer figure, we may never know.

Eventually I found a moment to myself. I took a long drag from my cigarette and was entranced by the smoke as it twisted and turned out of the window and into the breeze .I wasn't a big smoker, but when Jo spotted me anxiously wringing my hands she handed me a cigarette from her pack and told me to scram before Delly spotted me. Cinna, who was busy fussing over Annie's dress, nodded his consent and shooed me away with his free hand.

Apparently churches have many secret rooms to hide in, something I may have known if my mother had any faith to speak of. There was a kitchen, a bunch of classrooms, and much to my delight, a laundry room, which is where I eventually found myself, lounging on top of the dryer, lazily blowing smoke out the window.

"I hear those things will give you cancer." I jumped as a deep voice interrupted my moment of solitude.

"Jesus, Peeta! You scared the living daylights out of me!" My hand jumped up to my chest and I could feel my heart beating rapidly, "What are you doing here anyway?"

Peeta slid into the room and quietly shut the door behind him. He crossed the area separating us and sat on the fold out table opposite me. "Delly forgot the 'something blue' so I came to drop it off before she had minor heart attack."

"Oh," I replied and resumed staring out of the window, hoping my short answer would signal to Peeta my need for peace and quiet.

"So, do you smoke often?" Peeta inquired. Clearly, my hints were lost on the broad-shouldered intruder.

"No, not since college really." My eyes flicked from the window to his face. "I just... I didn't have breakfast, so this is sort of making up for it, you know?"

"You're having a cigarette for breakfast? I thought that was an indulgence reserved for Victoria's Secret Models." Peeta lifted his eyebrow inquisitively.

"No, no, it's not about sustenance, it's… well, it's about time." Good God would I ever sound normal around this boy? "Breakfast is my favorite part of the day. I wake up earlier than everyone else in the house, make sure Prim has been sleeping okay, no nightmares or anything, and then go for an hour long run to clear my thoughts. Then I jump in the shower, make a nice big breakfast and sit at the table by myself, enjoying my meal, enjoying the silence, maybe even flipping through the newspaper."

I could tell I was getting flustered and probably turning a exquisite shade of bright red, but Peeta didn't let on, instead staring at me inquisitively and cocking his head to the side, trying to figure me out.

"I wish I could explain this all better." I said, bringing my hands up to circle my temples, my right pointer and middle finger still gripping the quickly burning cigarette, "For me, breakfast is sacred; it's reserved for me and only me. It's the one time of day I carve out a chunk of my schedule to take care of myself and be selfish."

"So, let me get this straight, perching on top of a dryer in a tiny church laundry room, blowing smoke out of the window is your sacred time for the day?" Peeta looked like he was about to laugh, but settled on an amused smirk.

"Hey, I have a very demanding schedule! I'm a modern woman that wants it all, chaos and breakfast solitude! I am merely adapting to my surroundings." I flicked the butt of my cigarette out of the open window and fanned the air in front of me, trying to get rid of a smell I knew would linger regardless.

"You intrigue me Katniss Everdeen."

"And why is that Peeta…"

"Mellark."

"Right, And why is that Peeta Mellark?"

"I've never met a woman who is so passionate" he paused and let his sentence hang in the air between us "about breakfast. Plus, most people I know are selfish all day, not just for an allotted amount of time in the morning."

"Well, well, looks like you haven't figured me out quite yet. I will have you know I am a woman of many passions, breakfast just being my greatest infatuation. In fact, I have one more essential breakfast philosophy." I wiggled my eyebrows at him, hoping he would take the bait.

"And what does that philosophy entail?" Peeta was smiling widely now, obviously amused by my uncharacteristically playful mood.

"I think breakfast is a determining factor in whether or not you are meant to be with someone." Peeta perked up at this, only goading me on further, "If you can wake up after a late night out, or early in the morning knowing you have to go in for a long day of work, and eat breakfast across from someone and remain civil and cheerful, then you know you've made it. I think it's the moments when you don't talk, that you just enjoy being in the same room as someone, simply sharing an experience or giving them the space you know they need, that are defining. Thus, breakfast. If you can be comfortably silent, or cheery and ridiculous at an ungodly hour when every part of you is screaming to crawl back under the covers, that's when you know you've found something worth hanging onto."

Peeta looked at me with a strange look of concentration that immediately made me squirm a bit.

Once again I began wringing my hands, "What is it about you that makes me want to blabber on endlessly? It's very unnerving you know, usually I'm…"

Half way through my apology Peeta boldly stepped across the small amount of space that separated us and claimed my lips with his own, his hand gently tipping my mouth up to meet his. His lips were soft, but their movements were strong and confident as he tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss. I remained frozen for a moment, not used to spontaneous displays of affection, but then his tongue brushed against my bottom lip, and I slowly parted my lips, giving his tongue access to mine. His hands moved from where they were gripping the edge of the dryer and began to run up my thighs. My hands moved to push his hands back, but they rebelliously found themselves running up his strong arms, only to be tangled in his hair moments later.

In the back of my mind I vaguely remembered I was only wearing a small yellow sundress that Delly had picked out because it would be easy to quickly discard in favor of my much more substantial bridesmaid dress. When he reached the top of my legs he began making circles with his thumbs, pressing into my inner thighs and causing a small whimper to escape from my mouth.

This was a side of Peeta I had never experienced before. Even when we were back in my apartment two years ago, he let me take the lead. Now he let his hands wander as he willed, and let his lips claim whatever he wanted. He traveled from my lips to my jaw and then settled on the sensitive spot on the crook of my neck. I couldn't stop the small sighs and whimpers that escaped as I let him take over, relieving years of pent up need and want. I was on the edge of the dryer and when he began to slowly part my legs so that I found myself flush against his chest, my legs wrapped around his waist. My hips began to writhe impatiently against him when he began to back off. When he finally tried to pull back I caught his lips one more time, nibbling his lip lightly, knowing that it was just enough pressure to give him a small shock of pleasure. I wanted to give him a good nip, but held myself back.

When we finally separated his lips were puffy and deep red. We were both breathing heavily and for a moment I couldn't remember where I was. He leaned his forehead on mine, still breathing heavily, and whispered, "Delly is probably having a kanipshit right now looking for you."

"You're right." I slid down from the dryer , "I better get back to the girls."

I slide my hand up his chest, "But before I go, I have to know, where…" I was quickly going from sexy to stumbling, "wh-where did that come from?"

Peeta leaned over until he was so close his whisper tickled my ear, "Well, I figured we we're supposed to be a couple tonight, so why not practice? We want to look natural after all, and it's been a while since we last got to…rehearse."

Peeta bent down, placing one last gentle kiss on my lips, "One tip though," startled by the beginning of his sentence, I looked up at him earnestly, "you taste better when you don't smoke. Maybe just find me next time you need to relieve a little stress…"

"I'll keep that in mind Mellark."


	11. Aggressive Pacifism and Boycotting Love

**Whoop, I did it! At this point in my life weddings are strange and slightly gut-wrenching affairs, so it took me a few quarter-life-crises and glasses of merlot to crank this out. (But seriously, I legit can't be counted on to take out the trash in my own apartment, let alone pledge my undying love.) Also, "I've Got This Friend" is a solid song by The Civil Wars who are fantastic. **

* * *

**Present Day:**

The ceremony was gorgeous, as to be expected when the bride and groom are incredibly good-looking and an anal-retentive, neurotic, type-A is running the show. Without a doubt I was the most nervous throughout the whole ceremony. Gale walked the aisle with Johanna, then Delly and Thresh, leaving just Cato and me before Annie. I involuntarily ducked my head closer to Cato's shoulder so I didn't have to look at the people flanking me on both sides in the pews. Yet, after looking up and spotting his sly smirk, I couldn't have been happier to release his arm and make my way next to Delly.

And then… Annie made her first steps down the aisle. Thom and his band were playing some sort of bluegrass-version of the wedding march, and Finnick's smile seemed to reach ear to ear. She wore a close fitting ivory and pearl mermaid-cut dress. It was simple, yet hugged every single one of her slight curves before billowing out into a train that gave the impression a white babbling brook was flowing behind her. Cinna, clad in his go-to black shirt and trousers, led her down the aisle. The designer had immediately attached himself to the frail beauty the same way he had immediately taken me into his arms in the hospital twenty-four years ago. He always told me he could sense a good soul from a mile away, and that's why he loved me the very first time he set his eyes upon me, and then subsequently, the first time he had seen Annie.

* * *

The actual ceremony went off without a hitch. Vows and rings were exchanged, kisses were swapped, the crowd cheered, and when Delly began blubbering halfway through the ceremony, Johanna pulled a wad of tissues out of her bra and handed it over to the emotional brunette.

I found myself surprisingly ecstatic as everyone traversed the field separating the church from the ornately decorated barn for the reception, until I realized that I was about to be "on" in a way I wasn't prepared to be. I had barely spoken a word to Gale since he arrived back in town, but here we were, sitting in fold out chairs next to each other on the small stage, waiting for all the guests to file in and take their seats.

Before Gale skipped town, we agreed to sing, "I've Got This Friend," a little ditty we had conjured up years ago, for Annie and Finnick's first dance. I felt my stomach drop as I recognized there was no getting out of this and started to pull my guitar out of its case.

"Nervous Catnip?" Gale whispered into my ear. I pulled back not realizing he was so close, and his familiar grin eased some of the nerves coursing through my body.

"Never." I leaned over and ran my hand through his hair. "I miss your long hair, this buzz cut sort of takes all of the joy out of a good noogie." I tried to ball my fist up and rub the top of his head, as he attempted to squirm out of my grasp.

"What can I say, it's regulation." I retract my hand and move it back into my lap. Gale's face is suddenly too serious for me to mess around with him too much.

"So, have they taught you how to shoot a gun yet?" the playfulness dropped from my voice as well, turning back to my guitar to do some last minute tuning.

"Catnip, don't do this." I could hear the frustration in Gale's voice as he reached over and turned my face towards his.

"What? I'm genuinely curious!" I tried to stare him down and I could only imagine what the guests that glanced over at us thought about the two grey-eyed musicians locked in a steely gaze.

'Yeah, I know why you're curious," Gale's eyes flicked down briefly, but quickly rose to meet mine, his building anger evident.

I tried to spit out, "Do you know where, or hell, even when you're going to be shipped out?" Yet, my voice failed me and the end of the question ended up coming out as a frail whisper.

"No. I should be finding out in a week or two though." At his words I turned my face, effectively releasing myself from his soft grasp.

"I'm pretty excited about it actually," he said bashfully, knowing that my quick anger was fading into something else.

"Gale," I was staring at the ground, refusing to look up, knowing he could read the looks I gave him like a book, "I promised myself I wouldn't say anything, but I can't lie to you…"

I hesitated, I had wanted to say this to him for so long, but I hardly expected it to all come tumbling out right now in front of an audience, "Why are you doing this? Haven't you experienced enough death in your life to just let it all go? Our parents' were anti-war activists for Christ's sake!" My hands griped the strings and frets of my guitar fiercely.

"And what good did that do for them Catnip? You know what all their ideals and ethics got them? Broken families trying to scrape together the last of their assets." At Gale's words my head snapped back up. I was genuinely shocked, this is the first time I've heard him outright question what our parents had believed in.

"Look," he continued, sounded exasperated, "we're never going to agree on this, I know… but please try to understand that this is what I needed to do. I needed to… I don't know, man-up Katniss. I needed to make something of myself."

I could feel my anger boiling over. "Oh, you needed to 'man-up'? Now I get it!" I threw my hands up dramatically in the air.

"You've been the man of the house since you were fourteen. Was that not enough to make you feel all burly and strong?" I leaned in closer, dropping my voice a couple of octaves to drive my point home, "What about feeling me coming writhe underneath you? Did that not get the testosterone flowing?"

I pulled away, happy with the slight blush across his cheeks. "Couldn't you have made something of yourself without killing someone else?"

"I'm still in basic training Catnip, that's a bit dramatic isn't it?" His eyes were darkening, trapped somewhere in between desire and resentment.

"But eventually…" I trailed off innocuously, knowing it would drive him crazy.

"But eventually, what!?" He said between clenched teeth.

I spotted Delly waving her hands frantically, blessing me with a way out of the increasingly intense conversation, "I guess we're on." I picked up my guitar as Gale scrambled to get himself together, still shaken by our interrupted argument.

I tried to regain my focus and spotted Cinna across the way. This was our trick; whenever I got nervous in front of a crowd I'd just pretend I was just singing for him. "I love you," he mouthed, and the corners of my mouth raised themselves without my permission. Haymitch had tried very hard to be a father figure to Prim and me but he was never able to crack my shell the way Cinna had. Our bond was solidified from the very beginning; according to my mother I was an extremely colicky baby, and I only slept quietly if I was in my father's or Cinna's arms.

Gale leaned over into the mike; "Katniss and I wrote this song a long time ago, mostly because there were so many rumors about the two of us dating that we thought we'd give everyone something to talk about." I rolled my eyes at the obligatory laughter. "But then Catnip introduced Finn to Annie, and well, I think you know what happened after that." More Laughter. "It wasn't until the two of them got so smitten that we realized, this song wasn't about us, it was really about the two of them."

Gale began picking at his guitar, and I began strumming mine.

Gale glanced at my shyly, took a deep breath and began:

"I've got this friend, I don't think you know him.

He's not much for words. He's hidden his heart away."

Oh I've got his friend, a loveless romantic.

All that he really wants… is someone to want him back."

I joined him, harmonizing effortlessly,

"Ohhhh, If the right one came,

If the right one came along,

Ohhh, if the right one came, along."

I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes, beginning my part:

"_Oh I've got this friend, I don't think you know her._

_She sings a simple song, it sounds a lot like his._

_Oh I've got this friend, holding onto her heart,_

_Like it's a little secret, like it's all she's got to give_."

"Ohhhh, If the right one came,

If the right one came along,

Ohhh, if the right one came, along."

As we broke into the new stanza Gale had written, I opened my eyes, directing my focus on the couple dancing in front of us.

I beamed as Finn dipped Annie and she laughed with abandon.

I turned to my right and noticed Gale was smiling as well. The crowd erupted into applause and I felt a sense of relief make its way through my body. We caught each other's eyes briefly, and then turned to put our instruments away.

I would be lying if I said I didn't miss the way Gale and I effortlessly sang together. I wanted so badly for things to be exactly the same way they were before he left. Yet, after we had both packed up our instruments, and faced each other, I knew things were irrevocably different.

"You've still got it," I said, attempting to break the awkward silence settling between the two of us. "The army hasn't beaten the artist out of you yet."

Gale winced at my joke, taking a step backwards.

"I'm sorry," I said, stepping forward, braving the distance he put between us, "I just don't really know how to deal with all of… this." I gestured wildly between the two of us.

"Yeah, well, welcome to my world," he replied quietly, lightly grasping my arms, "Who's the new guy?" He jerked his head to the left.

I followed his gaze to Peeta, smiling brightly at the two of us, an empty seat pulled out next to him, waiting for me.

"Oh, that's Peeta," I tried to say casually, pretending not to see Gale's eyebrows arch in surprise. " Delly introduced us and… we've been getting to know each other over the last couple of months. He's uhhh… an amazingly talented artist… and well," Gale smirked, silently resisting calling my bluff, "… he makes me pretty happy."

"I'm sure he does." He slide his hands down my arms, taking my hands in his, "But does he make you as… "Happy" as I do?" He cocked his eyebrow mischievously as his finger suggestively stroked my palm.

"I wouldn't know. We're taking it slow." I yanked my hands back, backing away slowly, "But so far…. yeah, he does." And in that moment, it didn't feel like a lie.

* * *

**Fall 2010:**

"I think we should really examine what Delly brought up just now," Dr. A turned away from the defiant brunette and faced the rest of us. "Our parents' behavior effects us in ways we may not even grasp, but when we can recognize their influence it becomes a pretty powerful tool in understanding the way we form relationships with others, especially when it comes to romantic attachments."

I could practically hear Johanna's eyes rolling into the back of her head. I didn't blame her; this was not a conversation I wanted to have either.

"Let's open this up for discussion, Johanna, why don't we start with you?"

"What, do you want me to talk about _love _Doc?" Johanna lifted her eyebrow, challenging Dr. A.

"I know what you're all thinking." Jo addressed the rest of us. "Poor mean ol', bitchy Jo, thinks love is bullshit." Delly merely shrugs and nods in consent, while Annie and I remain still.

"Well your dead wrong. I believe in love. I believe in thousands of types of love. In fact, I like to think that I fall in love every other night. It's not my fault that my chosen form of love comes on quick and disappears even faster."

At this Delly snorted in disbelief. "Delly, please let Johanna continue," Dr. A chided her. Delly crossed her arms over her chest and stared at Jo.

"There's not much more to it Dr. A," Johanna settled back into her seat. "Look, my dad beat on my mom for fifteen years, and one of the last things she told me before she died was that he would always be the love of her life."

She crossed her legs, casting a saucy glance across the room, "So forgive me if I opt out on the whole "crazy in love" thing and indulge in a fling or two." Johanna let out a cackle, "Ha! You have to admit, my life is anything but boring. Messing around makes me feel good and I'm not hurting anyone, that's more than you can say about your average love story."

"She makes a good point," I mumble to the floor, only to look up and realize all eyes are on me.

"Fine," I let out an exasperated sigh; "my parents were in love, no denying it. Even after ten plus years they couldn't keep their hands off of each other, they were like smitten teenagers. My Dad always told me he was luckiest man in the world because the first thing he saw when he woke up in the morning was my Mom, and no one else in the world could ever say that." I caught Johanna rolling hers eyes again and Annie nervously rubbing her hands together.

"Despite all that, I think you have a choice, and I'm opting out. When you let all that mess into your life you're also letting the inevitable pain and devastation in as well. Death would have been a gift for my Mother after my Dad passed; she was a shell of a person, staring at the wall all day and cramming pills down her throat so she didn't have to feel anymore."

None of the girls were making eye contact with me. "You can choose to get yourself completely wrapped up in someone else, or you can choose freedom and preservation. Honestly, I truly believe that I've witnessed all that love can bring, and in the end that amount of pain isn't worth the fleeting happiness."

"I guess that's what it comes down to isn't it?" Delly spoke steadily, though her eyes were focused on the wall behind me, "Is the pain worth it?"

She pulled up one of her sleeves, holding her exposed right arm out to all of us. The scars were light, just a little brighter than her pale skin, but they ran up and down the length of her arm mimicking the way a prisoner marks the passing days on their cell.

"I thought pain could erase the way I was feeling, that it could always trump all the "dirty", mixed up longings inside of me, but I was fooling myself. I don't think you have a choice… or at least I didn't. No matter how many times I chose denial and isolation, I woke up in the morning in pain and yearning for the same exact thing as the day before. I'm not saying I know what kind of relationship is right or wrong just… sometimes it's okay to accept yourself and the way you're feeling as is and embrace the forces outside of your control.

**P.s. Just had to say, I deeply respect those in the military and I hope you understand that the somewhat negative portrayal was due in great part to a woman scorned who also happened to be raised by Joan Baez/Leonard Cohen-esque types. Ya heard.**


	12. Meek and Hard Like an Oak

I had been dancing for what seemed liked hours, though I knew only a few minutes had gone by since Johanna dragged me onto the dance floor. I wasn't used to wearing heels and my feet were throbbing.

"Jo, I've got to sit down for a bit. My feet are killing me!"

Johanna took my hand in hers, spinning me into her, "I hear champagne helps with that." I laugh as she spins me back out and hands me her glass. I down it quickly, realizing I'm desperately craving something else.

"I've got to grab some water. Do you want me to get you any?" I ask the distracted pixie next to me.

"Nah, I'm good. I'm going to grind up on Dellly for a while and see if that gets Thom's attention."

"Just don't piss off her date Jo. Remember, a Delly that's getting laid is a Delly that has less time to micro-manage your life."

Naturally, she ignores me. Johanna has never tried as hard to reel in a man as she has with Thom. So far they had been on several enjoyable dinner dates, and he even convinced her to go two-stepping at The Broken Spoke, but at the end of the day she was only left frustrated.

"If he doesn't fucking put out soon, I'm screwing someone else in his band!" Jo shouted as she raised her hands in defeat and made her way across the dance floor.

* * *

I love it when you're champagne drunk." I turn around and realize Gale is approaching the haystack I'm lounging on.

I was shocked when Annie told us that she wanted a "Texan" wedding, complete with a remodeled open barn, a chandelier made of antlers, hundreds of candles flickering in mason jars, a country jam band, and of course, haystacks for the guests to sit on that look out over the field awash with wild flowers.

"Please, how do you even know that I'm drunk?" I ask propping myself on my elbows.

"Oh, it was probably the way you immediately lay down, looking for a comfortable place to "nest" on the extremely uncomfortable haystack." At this I laugh, knowing how accurate he is. "Or… it could have been the fact that you are in that position and have completely forgotten that you are wearing a dress."

I immediately sat up, readjusting my dress as Gale laughed. God, I missed being careless, laughing with Gale.

"Pervert!" I shouted and reached forward, shoving him in the shoulder, "Fine, I had little champagne. Is it really that different than any of my other… drunks?"

"Mmm hmm. You're giggly, effervescent. It's a good look on you."

"Effervescent, huh? Look at that, a couple of months training in San Diego and you're already using all them big city words." Gale blushed slightly at my teasing.

"Thanks for singing with me tonight Catnip. It was nice, wasn't it, dusting off our old go-to?" Gale squeezed in next to me on the haystack and I readjusted, pretending not to be effected by his closeness.

"God, I love that song, it gave everyone a little bit to talk about for a while didn't it?" I replied softly, trying not to blush.

"That it did, but we never quite finished it, did we?" Gale's eyelids were heavy, and now that it was just the two of us I spotted the dark, nearly bruised, circles under his eyes. Training must be more draining then he's willing to admit.

"I guess we were a little… preoccupied that night." I shifted uncomfortably, remembering what the two of us writing usually led to.

"I guess we were." Gale sighed.

Gale looked lost for a moment before shaking his head, pulling himself back into the present, "would you care for a nightcap Catnip?" He reached down and pulled out a bottle of whiskey, most likely an expensive bottle because I certainly didn't recognize it from working at Jo's bar.

"Sure." I rolled my eyes, "but just one drink, and then I'm getting the hell off this thing."

* * *

A mere half-hour later, Gale and I found ourselves in familiar position, the two of us leaning in closely with a bottle of whiskey in between us.

I had been telling Gale all about Haymitch's latest series of awkward romances, and I was doubled over in a fit of laughter when he decided to drop his bomb, "I miss you."

"Are you sure that's not the whiskey talking?" I was still wiping tears away from my face and hadn't quite registered what he had said.

"Maybe a little bit." He cocked his eyebrows as I playfully slapped his arm.

"I'm kidding, it does help me say what's on my mind though," he said, unnervingly solemn now.

"Well if you missed me that's your own damn fault. You knew where I was and last time I checked you still had a phone, with my number programmed in it no less!"

"I deleted it."

"What?" I was genuinely shocked. What if something had happened at home? Would he have known the unknown number flashing on the screen was me, or would he have let it go to voicemail?

"I said I deleted it." Gale sighed and pressed his elbows back into the haystack, "I was too afraid that I'd call you late some night, and… I'd pack up and leave."

I had been waiting for him to say these words to me for months, but instead of jumping onto his lap as I had imagined, I was attempting to hold back my quickly increasing rage.

Gale knew that he was messing with a ticking time bomb tonight, but continued anyway, "Fuck, I missed you so much. I missed your sarcasm. I missed jamming with you on your porch. I missed the way you can't stop smiling when you're drunk. I miss the way your hair smells."

"Why are you doing this?" I adjusted my dress and began to make my way off of the haystack.

"Catnip, you know how I feel about you. Hell, it hasn't changed since we were in high school!" At this he grabbed my hand, and I saw his gray eyes darken in an all too familiar way.

"That's the problem isn't it? We both still feel the same; you don't care enough to stay, and I don't care enough to leave." I struggled to free myself from his grasp, desperately trying to make my way back to the barn. Gale leapt up and quickly caught me in his arms, leaning in closely.

"This isn't fair." I whispered angrily. "I cried for months!" I pushed him off of me, "I didn't even cry the last time they took my mom away… which you should know because you were there! You were always there, except when I needed you the most." My chest was heaving because of all the pent up anger threatening to be unleashed, and Gale could only stand in front of me, looking completely lost.

"Don't say that Catnip, you know that isn't true."

I stepped closer, my finger angrily poking his chest with every sentence. "Then where were you when I was finally ready to give my heart away? When the doctor told me my mother had done irreparable damage to SEVERAL of her vital organs, and the little bit of time left she had left would be spent in some damn clinic? Where were you when I came home after the late shift at the bar and I expected to be greeted by a Prim that wasn't there anymore?"

"Fuck Katniss!" Gale threw up his arm in exasperation. "You know I've been there through the good and the extremely fucking bad with you! Don't blame me for wanting something more than the pathetic life I had in Texas."

Gale leaned in closer and angrily whispered in my face, "Don't you dare discount the hundreds of times I was there for the handful of times I wasn't."

Gale reached out to grab my arm, but I jerked it out of his grasp. "No! Don't… don't touch me." I was on the verge of tears and all I wanted to do was run as far away as possible.

"Where were you when I just needed someone to hold me at night and tell me I wasn't a complete and utter failure?" At this Gale grabbed my arms, pulling me in closely, "I let them down again. I just wanted to know I was worth something, anything…." My voice broke and I turned my head away from his chest, feeling suddenly ashamed.

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea…" He pulled me in tighter.

"I know," my voice cracked again.

"It's okay Catnip, I'm here now and everything's going to be okay." He attempted to gather as much of my shaking body into his arms as he could.

"How? How is it going to be okay?" I half spoke, half sobbed into his chest. "I can't need you like that."

Gale bent down, trying to meet my gaze, "You are the strongest woman I know. We'll make it work, just like we have before."

"You're too damn beautiful to be stuck here forever." He was scrapping the bottom of the barrel and quite frankly I didn't want to hear it. Before I knew it his hands grasped my arms.

"You don't even know," he whispered into my ear.

"Know what?"

"The effect you can have." His mouth grazed my earlobe before making its way down my neck and onto my shoulders. I wanted to leave, but I felt frozen to the spot.

"Please, let me make you happy. Come back with me." He lifted his head and slowly eased his grip on my arms. "Let me show you how beautiful you are."

I took advantage of his misstep and yanked myself away from him. He was taken aback enough to release me and I quickly stalked off back towards the reception. Finnick might not be pleased with our behavior, but Gale should know by now that I didn't give a shit if anyone thinks I'm beautiful. I don't need to be _beautiful,_ I need to be strong. I had given up my sense of control and security for him, the two things I had learned to value most after my father passed, and somehow it still wasn't enough. I was tired of all the useless words and conditional promises. I couldn't be his housewife and he couldn't be my sanctuary.

I repeated one of my favorite mantras to myself as I quickly rejoined my friends; "My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am a strong and capable person. I don't need anyone else to make me feel significant. I am a fucking catch, and I need to start acting like one."

* * *

I was making a beeline for Madge when I felt an arm wrap around my waist pulling me back. I swiftly spun around, my hand raised; ready to deliver a devastating slap to the grey eyed, cocky face I assumed was behind me.

"Whoa there!" Peeta took me by surprise, catching my hand in the air and wrapping his other arm around me protectively.

Peeta's still had his arm around my waist and was holding me close when I spotted Gale saunter up behind him.

"Watch out for this one," He whispered into Peeta's ear, loud enough for me to hear, "she only gets off when it hurts a little."

Gale walked away quickly and Peeta pulled me tighter into his chest, not bothering to turn around and acknowledge the crude comment or the man that had spit it out.

After a few too many rounds of champagne toasts and swigs of whiskey, I was beginning to feel unsteady and moved to retreat into the dark countryside.

"Wait" Peeta whispered in my ear, holding me tight. He raised his hand and signaled to Delly who quickly detangled herself from Clove and scrambled over to the sound system.

You can't leave, it's our song." Peeta softened his grip around my waist. I remained stiff, not sure how to transition from my argument with Gale to this unexpected show of affection. I fought the urge to flee from Peeta's waiting arms.

"Wait… what? Our song?" Peeta chuckled at my confusion.

"Come on, I can't let my date escape without a slow dance." My resolve drained, I decided to give in and relaxed into his torso. "Plus, I didn't want you to believe any of Delly's slanderous rumors about my dancing abilities."

I laughed and he pulled me tighter into his chest as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I guess this is what prom would have felt like if I had bothered showing up; me, confused, yet happily stumbling around in heels with my date while everyone stared at us dancing.

"Bob Dylan's 'Buckets of Rain,' an unconventional choice for 'our song'… you must have done your homework." I squinted at Peeta, trying to read his face.

"What do you mean?"

"Bob Dylan is always listed as one of my parents' top influences." I said, tempted to roll my eyes, but holding back just in case he had actually managed to pick out one of my favorite songs.

"I wish I had been that clever," Peeta whispered into my ear, "Cinna told me it would be a solid pick and I'm just happy you recognized the song and stayed with me a few minutes longer."

I laughed softly, leaning into Peeta. I tipped my head up and whispered into his ear, "Hey, I've got a proposition for you."

He leaned back and raised his eyebrows in curiosity.

"How do you feel about grabbing a blanket, a bottle of whatever, forgetting about everyone else, and running away into a field with me?"

He took a minute searching my face, for what I couldn't tell, before leaning over and whispering, "You find the blanket, and I'll grab the rest. I'll find you out by the bluebonnets."


	13. Smoldering Iron and Wine

**Hey y'all, this chapter is a loooong one (I really fought myself on whether or not I should cut the last bit, yet my spicy side prevailed!), but there is both fluffy and smoldering goodness. Thank you for the reviews my faithful readers, it keeps me going amidst all the crazy post-grad degreeness. **

I was surprised when Peeta sauntered over with not one, not two, but three bottles of extremely nice wine.

"You don't think we're going to finish all of that do you?" I said, sitting up on the large tartan blanket I found in the main house.

"Of course not, but no one was touching the good stuff, and Odair Sr., Sr. insisted I take them. I told him I was meeting a girl out by the wildflowers and he thought us carefree and beautiful young things might as well sample them all."

I laughed; imaging the awkward wink and nudge the oldest Odair must had given Peeta. "I still can't believe that Finn is actually 'Finnick Odair the fourth'. The freaking fourth, doesn't that automatically make you a baron or something?"

Peeta chuckled, "Probably, does that mean I just pilfered some wine away from royalty?" He settled down next to me on the blanket and whipped out a bottle opener, clearly pleased with himself.

"I like the way you operate Mellark."

I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but I know the din from the reception had lessened quite a bit, as well as the amount of wine in the bottles we were "sampling." Once again, I found myself inconceivably comfortable around the blond, blue-eyed man beside me. Both of us were lying on our backs, staring up at the stars and divulging embarrassing mishaps from our past.

"No, you didn't!" I giggled, feeling lightheaded from the wine and the proximity of the warm, attractive body next to me.

"I did, my first make out session was in the backseat of my mom's mini-van with Delly."

"Oh my God. I'm sorry, I just can't…. I can't stop laughing." I turned on my side, trying to stop my raucous laughter, and studied Peeta' face. "Was it any good?"

"I was so nervous I don't even remember." He laughed and turned as well, the two of us now facing each other, lying on our sides, heads propped up on our hands, "A week later I caught her kissing the captain of the girl's lacrosse team on her front porch, so that lessened our romance a bit. How about you?"

"Gale, predictably. In his basement after we had been messing around in his father's old music studio... errr, messing around musically." I quickly added after his smile swiftly faded into a look of concern. "It didn't last long, he lunged for me, and I was only fourteen, a late bloomer as always, and the second I felt his tongue in my mouth, I smacked him and ran home."

"Smart girl." His smile spread back across his face.

"Alright, first time…" I wiggled my eyebrows at him, daring him to take our Q&A session to the next level.

"Really?" He squinted at me, and I knew he didn't exactly want to share, but was dying to know my answer.

"Yes really!" I pushed him playfully, "You know the rules, you answer, I answer."

"Fine." he sighed, "It was the summer before my senior year of high school. I was a camp counselor, and it happened down by the lake around midnight with Jenn Wiress, the computer nerd turned lifeguard." I immediately clamped my hand to my mouth; trying not to laugh out loud at thought of the nervous couple fumbling around in the dark.

"Hey! Rule number two no judgment!" Peeta exclaimed while rolling over on top of me in order to pry my hand away from my mouth.

"Sorry, sorry. Continue…" I managed to gasp in between laughter and the feeling of Peeta partially covering me.

"Not much else to say. It was quick and awkward. Still, I replayed it in my mind for months and months afterwards." I finally stopped laughing when he leaned in closer, "Alright Everdeen, your turn."

I rolled my eyes and breathed in deeply, "Cato, freshmen year of college. I had no idea that he was Gale and Thresh's roommate. Madge had convinced me to go to some dorm party and one thing lead to another… honestly I just wanted to get it over and done with. I've never been one for hype. I hate New Year's Eve because it seems like the whole point of the night is to get into the best party imaginable and make out with your soul mate, but really everyone is so consumed with planning "the best night ever" you usually end up in a dingy bar or your parents' living room watching Dick Clark. Losing my virginity felt just like New Years, and I didn't want to make a big deal out of it."

"Katniss…." Peeta had eased off of me and the mischievous look in his eyes softened.

"Yes Peeta," I responded in a detached tone.

"That's kind of sad. I'm sorry it wasn't special for you." He took his hand and began tracing a line up and down my arm.

"Ha! Special? I never expect sex to be 'special'. Honestly, I'm just not that into it. The quicker you learn it's just a fulfillment of a basic biological need, the better off you'll be." I felt instantly betrayed by my body as I tried not to respond to the way his hand was lazily traveling my curves.

"I'm not sure I agree." He smiled as he felt me tremble when he hit the spot right below my hipbone.

"Of course not… and that's probably why I like you so much, you're an optimist. Almost everyone else I know thinks of sex as just a means to a very temporary end." I turned onto my back, stopping his torturous movements. "So, next question…your turn."

"Have you ever been in love?" Peeta sat up and grabbed one of the bottles beside him and taking a deep swig.

"Yes, kind of," I began tentatively. "Or at least I thought I was close to it. I'm unsure because I always figured if there was such a thing as love, it would reciprocal, and whatever he felt, well, it wasn't exactly returned, or at least returned in way he recognized. My parents were absolutely crazy for each other, I guess they set a pretty high standard."

I pulled myself up into a seated position, leaning my head against Peeta's shoulder for support. "Sorry I'm babbling." Neither of us moved, letting a peaceful silence fall over both of us before I continued.

"All I know is that what I felt was awful. It was painful while I was in love, and painful when I was falling out of love. I'm not sure I'd ever want to repeat the process. You?" I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked into his eyes, still blindingly blue, despite the darkness surrounding us.

"I thought I was once, but it was so quickly, and I was so young… I'm not sure it was really love." He leaned his forehead against mine; "I guess I'm still waiting."

"A romantic who's never been in love, eh?" I tried to break the tension with a stupid jab. We were incredibly close, and the air was heavy between us.

"Guess so, but I'm super pumped for all of this pain you're describing. Sounds like a blast!" He followed my lead and leaned back, chuckling softly.

"Okay, my turn." he turned back to me curiously, "Peeta, are you tired?"

"Yes, very tired. You?" He put his finger underneath my chin, and tipped my face upwards, trying to get a good look at my face.

"Oh my God yes!" He face cracked into a lazy smile.

"Come upstairs with me?" Annie and Finn had rented out the main house for the wedding party, and I knew after all I had gone through tonight I didn't want to sleep in my immense, downy bed alone.

"Yeah, if that's what you want…"

"It is." At this point we were mere millimeters away from each other, and I could feel his breath on my lips.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him off of the blanket, leisurely leading him back to the main house.

* * *

We entered the stunning, rustic three-story house without any interruptions, and made our way upstairs. I was glad that no one was wandering around yet; I wasn't ready to answer questions and the way that Peeta stomped about would have called attention to us immediately.

My room was simple, but pleasant. The roof was slanted and made of dark wood, lending a pine scent to the room. There was a wardrobe, a bedside table and a gigantic bed pushed up against the wall, covered in fluffy white down comforters.

I entertained the thought of slipping into the sexy camisole Johanna had slipped into my overnight bag despite my protests, but judging by the way Peeta was already curled up on the bed, there wouldn't be much use for it anyway.

I slipped off quietly to the bathroom attached to the room and stripped down to my underwear before crawling into bed. While I was gone Peeta had shed his formal pants, tie, and shirt, leaving himself clad in only his undershirt and boxer-briefs.

The wine and whiskey had left me feeling daring, and I wrapped myself around Peeta, curling my leg over his thigh and throwing my arm around his chest.

"It's really too bad you know…" I murmured into his chest.

"What is?" He asked, half asleep.

"That I like you so much."

"And why is that?" I lifted my head off of his chest so I could spy the smile making its way across his face.

"Well, because now I can't screw you." The corners of his mouth quickly dropped.

"Crying shame." I whispered as I nestled myself back into his arms.

Peeta held me close, despite the silence that settled over us.

"What makes you think I want to sleep with you?" Peeta asked challengingly.

"Well first of all, you've gotten increasingly "hands on" throughout the night, and also, look at this." I said waving my hand lazily up and down my body, a drunken Vanna White.

"You are the one that crawled up next to me in your underwear…" Peeta trailed off, his voice sounding more playful now.

"Touché." I let out a deep sigh, "what about our moment in the laundry room?"

"That was practice," he chuckled, "very enjoyable practice."

"Fine, would you or wouldn't you sleep with me tonight?" I lifted myself up and leaned over so that my lips were poised right above his own, my hand trailing down his chest.

"No," He breathed heavily onto my lips. I pulled my hand back quickly and turned away from him, too drunk to hide my dismay.

"Listen," he replied in a husky tone as he moved over and kissed my shoulder, "I wouldn't want to for two reasons."

I snorted, still frustrated as he continued to whisper over my exposed skin, " First of all, we are both drunk."

"Yes, yes, touché again," I said impatiently.

"Secondly, I saw your fight with Gale tonight. If we sleep together, I want you to be present; I want you to feel me and only me, not the ghost of someone else." He wrapped his strong arms around my waist, eliciting another unwanted shiver from my body.

His kisses move from my shoulder down my arm, "I want it to be something that only we share, both of us completely aware of every movement, every feeling, every sensation."

I relax into his arms, too tired to argue and too tired to resist his movements. We are silent for a minute or so, and I can feel his breath slowing as if he is starting to fall asleep. I turn back into him slowly, relishing the feeling of my arm stretching across his chest and the lower half of his body becoming trapped underneath my leg.

"Hey Peeta?" I whispered into the crook of neck.

"Yes Katniss?" He answered, sounding drained.

"Can we have breakfast tomorrow? Just you and me?"

"Sure Katniss, that sounds great." I could hear his smile as he answered.

"You're the best temp-boyfriend ever." I replied, pushing my hips flush with his as he laughs lightly.

"Hey Peeta?"

"Yes Katniss?"

"Please don't pull away from me tomorrow."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

* * *

I woke up expecting a pounding headache that never came. I thanked my lucky stars, and the gigantic water bottle I chugged in the field last night. I also woke up expecting to be enmeshed in a tangle of arms and limbs, but no… once again I was alone. Serves me right I guess, I always sneak out around four or five in morning, never wanting to deal with the morning after. I guess I was jut getting a taste of my own medicine

I was surprised how the empty the bed felt, and how much I longed for his warm body to be wrapped snugly against mine. Yet, I knew this wasn't something I had the luxury of focusing on. I woke up alone almost every day of my life, and that's how I preferred it. In this unreliable world I could count on myself and only myself. I groaned and turned over dramatically, taking up most of the bed and reveling in my perpetual singleness, when I spied his dress shirt on the floor.

Curious. I checked my phone, 7:30, still much too early for anyone sane to be awake. I willed myself to roll out of bed and quickly grabbed his shirt and buttoned it up over my lithe form. It only hit me mid-thigh, but I deemed it appropriate for a quick peek downstairs.

And there he was, in dress pants, yet shirtless, flipping pancakes. I steeled myself on the bottom step of the stairs hoping he hadn't spotted me. This isn't fucking real. This is some sort of twisted romantic comedy-esque bullshit dream. I shook head, knowing that I was probably going to wake up next to Peeta, drooling on his shoulder while his giant boner pushed up against my stomach, and quickly realizing that this was all fantasy.

Unfortunately, Peeta locked eyes on me mid-grimace, and the pancake that was spiraling mid-air ungracefully hit the wood floor. This was real.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself." He blushed furiously, scrapping batter off of the floor.

I didn't think you'd remember my drunken plea to have breakfast together," I said as I took a seat on the bar stool in front of him.

"Well I didn't even think you'd remember making such a plea. Thus, I woke up early so you'd have no choice but to eat a couple of pancakes with me."

"Good call Mellark." I smiled softly and he went back to concentrating on his pancakes. I noticed that he had also made a mound of eggs and a few fried strips of bacon. How long had he been awake?

"What the heck is in these anyway?" I said pointing at the peculiar pancakes in front of me, dotted with soft yellow blotches, foreign to anything Prim, Haymitch, or I had ever popped into the microwave.

"Bananas. You've never tried it?" I wrinkled my nose and shook my head at his question.

"Well, prepare to have your mind blown." He pointed his spatula at me and wriggled his eyebrows. I laughed lightly as reached back to the counter behind him, retrieving a magazine and handing it over to me.

"The New Yorker, did Cinna give you that tip as well?" I was both amused and in awe. Here was a man who had refused to take advantage of me the night before, was making me breakfast, and handing me my favorite reading material… seemingly expecting nothing. It didn't make sense.

"Nope. It was either that or Reader's Digest. Plus, the New Yorker has the best short fiction."

Damnit! It's as if he read my mind. I may not have been much of a talker, except when I was around him apparently, but I was an avid reader. Cinna had gotten me a subscription to the New Yorker for at least the last six Christmases.

I completely lost myself in an article before a few pancakes made their way onto the plate in front of me. I drizzled maple syrup over the pancakes, and very hesitantly lifted a forkful of the new confection into my mouth. "MMMHHMMmmm, God these are good!"

I slapped a hand over my mouth, embarrassed by the almost orgasmic groan of pleasure that came from my mouth after delving into the breakfast he had made.

"Ha! Thanks, it's an old family recipe."

"Is this handed down from generation to generation just so that Mellark men can get women to spend the night? Because I'm not going to lie, it's working right now."

He blushed and continued flipping the remaining mounds of batter on the griddle. I didn't mean to embarrass him, but it all seemed a bit too good to be true. This had to have been rehearsed... though that didn't explain what happened last night.

"Can I ask you a ridiculous question?" I tried to catch his blues eyes that were fastidiously studying the griddle in front of him.

"Of course, ridiculous questions are my favorite kind of question." He let a small smirk play across his face.

"Is this something you do a lot? All the questions and compliments… the pancake breakfasts?" I bit my bottom lip, a bad habit but one that I indulged in whenever I asked something brash and bold.

"No, not at all." He whipped his head up and looked directly at me, his vivid blue eyes boring into my stormy gray irises.

"Honestly, most of the women I run across nowadays know that my pieces are hanging on the wall behind them. They don't give a shit what I have to say; the small bit of recognition is enough for them to drag me back to their penthouse apartments. It's amazing how easily one can adapt to being used if you've given up on the alternative."

"The alternative? So does that mean you're just like the rest of us and you've given up on that bullshit notion of romance?" I could feel my frown soften; tough my teeth kept worrying my bottom lip.

"I go back and forth. Honestly, I was close to giving it all up, but then I felt this undeniable urge to whip up something special for this girl who _really_ loves breakfast." He blushed and I don't think I'd ever seen anything as endearing.

**"**Good God,** y**ou are trouble, aren't you?" I hummed as I made my way over towards the stool next to him that he was sitting on. I could feel a slight tremor in my hands but fought through my anxiety, leaning into him, my hands grazing his cheeks and strong jaw. We were so close I could feel his warm breath on my face, it was already slowing and becoming labored and the thought that I could make him this nervous sent a shock down to my very core. He was about to speak when I pressed my lips lightly against his.

I pulled back, searching his face, trying to get a read on how he felt about the sudden intrusion of his personal space. He took my hands and pulled them off of his face. I turned away, making a motion to leave; clearly this was all happening too fast. And just when I thought I had pushed when I shouldn't have, he turned me around, standing up and running his hands down my sides, coming to rest on my hips.

His right hand continued traveling downwards, skimming my thigh before pulling my leg up and against him. I suddenly felt self-conscious that I was basically wearing only his dress shirt, but he cut my thoughts short as he leaned down, hungrily claiming my lips. This kiss was much like our first, ravenous and consuming. I felt my legs going weak and I ran my hands down his chest as I gave myself over to the electric shocks running through me.

One hand still griping my thigh, and the other sneaking around to grasp my ass, Peeta backed me up into the counter. He reached down, lifting me onto the counter so that I had no choice but to wrap my legs around him, exposing my desire for him as I pressed against his stomach, unable to hide that my flimsy beige thong was quickly becoming soaked.

I tangled my hands in his tousled hair, and pulled his head back so I had access to his neck. I left a trail of light kisses from his jaw down to his collarbone before making my way back up again, this time pausing to gently suck and nip the sensitive spots on his neck. When I breathed into ear and then took his earlobe into my mouth, sucking on it tenderly, he released a deep guttural moan.

Abruptly he pulled away, giving me a look that was far too serious.

"Let me take you out tonight." He breathily said into my neck, as my brain screamed, "_take me now you idiot_!"

Of course, all I manage to get out is a dazed, "what?"

"Well, I've been your 'boyfriend' for about forty-eight hours now and we've never even been on a proper date. I was hoping we could squeeze one in before I leave tomorrow."

No. This is not how this is supposed to happen. He is supposed to take me upstairs, ravish me, and then leave for Houston immediately after. "I don't know, I have a really late shift tonight…" my usual excuse is on my tongue before I have time to even process what I'm actually saying.

"I talked to Johanna last night, she agreed to let you leave at midnight." He chuckles at my slightly paniced expression and then bends down to kiss me on my forehead. Apparently I have no say in the matter. Wonderful.

"See you tonight spitfire."


	14. Heels over Head & Nearly Painless Dating

As I counted the cracks in the ceiling I thought about all the ways in which women spend their lives on their backs:

_Childbirth._

"So you've been here how long?" Johanna's rough voice threatened my train of thought.

_Visits to the gynecologist._

"I told you, about three hours."

_Sex. Sometimes._

"And you haven't moved?"

_Falling off the swing in third grade after jumping just a little too late._

I had come into work early because I had too much on my mind and nowhere else to go. After pacing around for a while and irritating the hell out of Thresh who was trying to set up for tonight I gave up and lay down by the bar, my legs above me, pressed against the wall.

"I've shifted around a bit, and you know, took my pants off." Jo strained her neck so she could stare tellingly at my legs, a little dry, a little scruffy, my skinny jeans replaced by my running spandex.

_Death, the ultimate submission to a masculine reaper._

"Well, you're always talking about getting a new perspective on things…" Jo trailed off, cocking her head to the side, taking my upturned form in. Eventually she grimaced and took a deep breath, clearly deliberating whether or not she actually wanted to have this conversation.

" I fear the inevitable need to walk the ten feet to the bathroom." I waved my hand in the air lazily, too exhausted to conjure up anything other than the immediate truth.

"So are you going to tell me what the hell put you in this mood or are you going to serve drinks from the floor this evening?" Jo was frustrated, and I wanted to tell her everything, but even_ I_ didn't know what was going on with me.

Between my fight with Gale, reuniting with Peeta , and two of my best friends getting married and moving on into a new phase of their lives, I felt like my brain was going to overflow. Not to mention that I've gotten more action in the last week than I had in months, and I still wasn't satisfied. I didn't know if I was angry, sad, horny, joyous, or afraid. All I knew was that I needed a breather and a patient ear for my irrational thoughts before my date tonight.

"I wonder if I will ever start being content with the things I am supposed to want. I wonder when I will crave the sensible, the logical…hell, the practical!" I finally spit out, breaking the silence.

"Excuse me?" Johanna wasn't much for feelings and I was violating our unspoken pact to maintain a shared disenchanted apathy.

"I'm always saying I feel guilty because I turn away the things I'm supposed to want."

"Who or what are we are talking about here?"

"Gale and I make sense. We know everything about each other. We understand what it's like to go through our specific kind of tragedy. He's loved me since puberty. Everyone assumes we are going to settle down one day and finally marry each other. We're always so in sync, even I believed it all! In some ways I really do love him…"

"Katniss," Johanna let out a loud, exasperated sigh, "I could care less about your 'love.' You know why? I think your 'love' is fucking stupid."

"What?" her words momentarily snap me out of my whirlwind of anxiety.

"Fuck, okay, I'm going to give you a little dose of reality. When I'm done, you get your ass up off the floor and help Thresh stock so I can let you go at midnight, kapeesh?"

"Yeah, sure." I mumble in annoyance.

"Whether you want to admit or not you're a lot like me Katniss. I attract things that are messy, inconvenient, and unpreventable. I live for frustrating situations that knock me on my ass, even when I think all I want is to be left alone. I love things that might be bad for me, but maybe, just maybe, might not be. _It_ doesn't make sense and _I_ don't make sense."

"But that's where the similarity stops." She pauses, standing right above me, "I just don't think I like sense very much. I thrive on feeling."

She kicks my shoulder with her combat boot just a little harder than I would have liked. "So how about we stop whatever this is," she waves her hand over me dramatically "and stop caring about what everyone else expects, or obsessing about a future we aren't even guaranteed?"

She kicks me one more time before heading for the back, "Live in the now Everdeen, fuck everything else! No one likes a gutless, neurotic bitch!"

* * *

By the time midnight rolls around, my stomach is a complete jumble of nerves, bile, and anticipation. Knowing that Peeta could walk in any minute, I grab Johanna's arm forcefully, "I can't do this." I whisper tersely, "tell him I went home sick."

"Too late," she sings playfully, cocking her eyebrows towards the door, "Lover-boy is already here."

I immediately tense up as he slowly saunters over to the bar, a shy smile playing across his features.

Johanna studies me closely before lightly chuckling and leaning in to whisper, "Kit-Kat, I know you're super attached to your 'toyfriend' but batteries are expensive. Maybe give the real thing a ride?"

I blush despite myself, "Jo! We agreed never to discuss… that!" She laughs hysterically as I roll my eyes, "plus, let's be a real for a minute," I put my hand on Jo's shoulder, deciding to play along for once, "clearly God has developed some new fun features and add-ons for our enjoyment since he created man. Until men can vibrate, don't judge me for evolving."

By the time Peeta reaches the bar, Johanna is doubled over in laughter. She barely manages to flick her wrist towards the door, prompting us to leave.

"Hey." I lean over the bar, matching his smile.

"Hi." We are both breathless and I struggle to break the moment.

"So, I'm guessing you have something planned for tonight Mellark, probably something chill considering I was so hesitant this morning."

"I may have a rented a movie from Vulcan and picked up a few snacks." He leaned in closer, his smirk growing wider.

"Well, I'm not sure how you feel about spontaneity…" I reached out and started caressing his arm, secretly amazed at my newfound forwardness, "but how do you feel about ditching the movie, jumping into my car, and trusting me to take you somewhere worthwhile?" I looked up at him through my lashes, attempting to look flirtious as opposed to desperate to make sure this date happened on my terms, and my terms only, from this point on.

"Just lead the way gorgeous"

* * *

After driving down Mopac for twenty minutes or so in my jacked up Volvo, I pulled off the road, stopping just to the side of a freeway on-ramp. Peeta looked at me quizzically as I turned the engine off and headed towards the trunk. As he clambered out of my car I grabbed two large towels and headed towards a barely visible path amongst the trees off the side of the road.

He stopped briefly at the entrance of the trail. I was taking a risk, leading him down here at night. Though the moon was bright, we would have to follow the trail for a mile or so in the dark before we reached our destination, and it could be tricky at times.

I held out my hand to him, "trust me?" He still hesitated, "Please?"

At my pleading he grabbed my hand and we headed on down the trail.

* * *

I started back up our game from the night before on the way down the trail in order to ease his nerves:

"I feel just like 'Moon River'." I could hear him snort softly, but I continued anyway, "If I could be summed up by one thing, a smell, noise, image, it would be that song, and the way you sing it, and what it's like to hear it when in you're really listening, and everything found it in. I would like to be that song."

We were close to our destination, but I didn't let him know in the hopes that he would answer his own question.

"How am I supposed to follow that up?" He stopped our movements, pulling me into him.

"I'm sorry I'm just so damn poetic." I laughed against his skin, so close to mine.

"Alright Katniss, if I was one thing, smell, noise, or image, it would be a sunset."

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my lips.

"You are terrible at the 'no judgment' rule!" He reached his hand up to stroke my chin. "I say sunset just because I'm drawn to the colors; orange, pink, red, and something near gray. It's smoldering, hopeful, brilliant, and gone so quickly."

"Wow, " I breathed deeply, "is that how you woo all your Texan ladies?" At this I smirked, though Peeta certainly didn't.

He let loose a deep sigh. "It just seems like my life right now. Just when I think I discover something really fascinating, it fades away before I can capture it."

My smirk faded into a smile I hoped was gentle and reassuring, "Well, will you do me a favor?" I ask, leaning in so closely our lips nearly touch.

"Certainly," his breath tickles my lips.

"Live in the now with me." I break away and head for a break in the path that leads to a band of quickly running water, "I'm not very good at it, but tonight I don't really feel like thinking about tomorrow."

Before he has a chance to say anything, I turn to face the water and reach down to the hem of my tank top and draw it over my head. I glance over my shoulder and back at him briefly before unbuttoning my jean shorts and sliding them down my hips.

"Are you going to join me or not?" I yell, unhooking my bra and throwing it by the rest of cloths and then slowly drawing the thick piece of black lace down my thighs and making my way towards the water.

I walked gingerly into the stream that quickly gave way to deeper water and I soon found myself submerged in a substantial pool of water. I languished in the feeling of the cold water lapping over my body as I looked up at the stars, blinking innocently down at me.

Though I tried to avoid staring at Peeta stripping down on the rocks twenty feet away, I couldn't help it as my eyes lingered on his outlined formed. Even in the darkness I could tell that his shoulders and muscles had grown since our encounter in my apartment all those years ago.

"Holy freaking! Dear Lord! That is cold!" Peeta floundered in the water as he made his way over to me.

"Sorry, I probably should have warned you!" I was laughing but my arms were also wrapped tightly around me, and though I enjoyed the almost baptismal feeling of my actions, my teeth were chattering, letting me know that my time here was limited.

I reached out and ran my hands up and down Peeta's arms furiously, trying to warm him up. The natural pool was just deep enough that we could both stand on our feet. He stepped closer; our bodies suddenly flush against each other. We were both so cold I almost failed to realize how intimately we were pressed up against each other.

He smiled, his purple lips pressed together, trying not to let his teeth chatter. He slid his hands up to my cheeks and pulled me in for a soft kiss. I was thankful for the cold water, and the alien-ness of the situation, otherwise the kiss might have been more than I bargained for. Eventually, we began to move our lips frantically, trying to capture each other's warmth, our naked bodies pressed tightly together.

I broke away first, "L- l-let's get back to s-s-shore." My teeth were chattering uncontrollably, and without another word I swam back towards our clothing.

After we had both reached the shore and wrapped ourselves up in the giant towels I brought, thanking the good Lord for the ever-present Texas heat, I turned to Peeta and asked the one question that had been on my mind since he reentered my life.

"Why should I trust you?"

He looked slightly taken aback, but got up to sit next to me on the rock I was perched on. "I'll give you three reasons," he smiled cleverly.

"Alright, shoot."

"One" he said, taking in a deep breath, "I have never ever cheated in my life. Not on a woman, not on a test, not on anything." I rolled my eyes and chuckled as he put his hand over his heart. "I have very reliable character witnesses if you ever need to investigate this claim."

I shoved his chest and he broke out into another smile. "Alright, number 2… how would you describe Delly?"

I scrunched my eyebrows up hesitantly, but decided to answer him anyway, "Incredibly blunt, type-A, fearless, loyal, a romantic, someone who can psycho-analyze you at the drop of hat, and a terrifyingly accurate judge of character."

Peeta tossed his head back as his body was wracked with laughter. "That is so accurate it's scary. But, that's my number two. You should trust me because I have Delly's seal of approval, someone who wants nothing but the best for you."

"Alright, alright," I shoved his shoulder playfully, "that's all fine, but I'm not convinced. Number three better be damn good."

At this, Peeta leaned in close, his lips almost ghosting mine, 'the third reason is that you already trust me." He gave me a cocky grin as I almost fell back.

"Please," I scoffed, "prove it."

"Let's see…" he pulled back slightly and began ticking off examples on his fingers, "I know you trust me because you invited me back to your apartment two years ago… something that I'm guessing you rarely did." I cleared my throat awkwardly, knowing that he was absolutely correct.

"You let me kiss you in a bar two years later in front of your friends without any explanation. You let me walk you home, knowing that Haymitch would probably spot us and ask questions. You let me trail my fingers all over you at the rehearsal dinner. You didn't hesitate when I kissed you in the laundry room. You didn't run after Gale when I grabbed you and asked you to dance, even though you were pissed. You took me to bed, but only to sleep. You even kissed me the next morning instead of running away."

By this point my cheeks were burning red and I was glancing at the trail, attempting to plot my escape. "And most importantly, you took me here. Somewhere you love so much that you could find your way in the dark and felt comfortable enough to… bare yourself to me."

After his speech, we sat next to each other in silence, breathing heavily.

"My father used to take me here." I smiled softly, looking up at the faint outline of the trees, "This is where he found his inspiration." I turned to look at Peeta, his expression lost in the darkness.

"He said when the birds would spot us walking down the path they'd hold their breath, waiting for the two of us to sing.

I was such a jumble of nerves and conflicting desires when I insisted he follow me here that I didn't realize I was taking him to the place I felt most safe; a place I had only shown a select few.

Blocking out my doubts, I crossed the space between us, pressing my lips against his, confirming everything he suspected. His truths had made me nervous and our kiss was slow and tenuous. I pulled back slowly, hating that my lips ever had to leave his. Without a word I slipped on my underwear and tank top, grabbed my shorts, and headed back up the trail.

The car ride back to my place was quiet. We didn't bother talking about where we were going, or what we had revealed. When I parked in my driveway, I found that words failed me; all I could do was look at him longingly, silently pleading that he would follow me inside. We both left the car and he followed me to my front door.

"This is kind of freaking me out," I whispered, wincing at the awkward statement.

"Me too," he whispered against my lips, "but in the best way possible." At that his hands grabbed my waist and we gave into the tension we had been feeling for days, our lips moving furiously against each other as our hands began to explore all that we dared to...


	15. Successions and The Deep South

**Thanks for your patience y'all, I know I left off on the worst kind of cliff hanger, but I hope this chapter is thoroughly satisfying and will make up for it. I just got back from the work trip from hell and tried to funnel all those not-so-bright-and-sunny feelings (read: fighting the urge to punch almost everyone) into this bit of passion. **

* * *

I pulled away just long enough to fumble with my key. It took me about twice as long as it usually did but eventually I opened the door and led him inside. We paused in front of other, neither of us knowing what to do next, when he kicked the door closed behind him. Abruptly he lifted me off of my feet and carried me upstairs. I had never let myself be carried before, always assuming I was too heavy, or that the whole thing was too bride-like, but Peeta's arm felt sturdy and safe. For the first time in a long while I felt light and feminine, and I rested my head on Peeta's shoulder as we made our way to my room on the second floor. "First door on the left," I hummed into his shoulder.

Peeta shoved the door open with his shoulder and lowered me down onto the bed. I felt completely flush and tried to cover myself as much as possible with the damp tank top I had thrown over myself before driving.

"Stop." He caught my hand and stilled it, his deep blue eyes traveling up and down my form. "You don't get it do you?"

"What?" I said hoarsely, squirming slightly under his scrutiny.

"God you are sexy," and with that he slowly climbed on top of me.

"Part of me is saying to stop right here," he kissed my neck, his lips making their way down towards my collarbone, "turn around and try to forgot about it. A girl like you won't ever let a guy like me in" as he spoke, he gently pulled up the shirt I wearing, his fingers slowly grazing my exposed skin as he went along.

"But then, there's this other part of me that's been waiting to know you; your quirks, your fierceness, your ill-timed confessions, your fire, your body, for two years now." I sat up as he slipped my shirt off me, leaving me in the see-through black lace brace bra and matching panties that Jo talked to me into buying months ago.

I scooted myself up into a seated position and leaned my back against the headboard, my legs spread slightly, waiting for his next move.

"This isn't quite fair now is it Mellark?" I started tracing a line up my legs, "I'm not wearing much at all, and look at you in your pants." He glanced down, tearing his eyes away from my traveling fingers, slowly making their way up to the promise land. "Now, how can we remedy this situation?"

He quickly unbuttoned his pants, discarding them on the floor. The significant bulge in his boxer briefs was now apparent, and the petty part of me desperately wanted to call Glimmer and inform of her of what she was missing out on, but my plans were foiled when he made his way across the bed and began kissing me indulgently, his hands slowly roaming over my exposed skin.

His fingers were making lazy circles around my thighs and I bucked my hips slightly into his hands until he languidly grazed my panties. I gasped, and he smirked, his hand making its way back to my core. "Wow…" he breathed into my neck.

"What?"

"It's just… I love feeling how much you want me." His hand stroked the lace covering my folds; "You're practically dripping. It's driving me crazy."

I let out a strangled groan and he pushed the lace aside, his finger making contact with the tender nub that was craving his attention. I couldn't help but writhe under his touch. Everything he did was so slow and deliberate.

His eyes traveled across my face, paying attention to my silent gasps and quiet whimpers, trying to learn what set me off. I was so used to just making sure my partner get on and got off in a timely manner that I felt self-conscious and fought the urge to close my eyes and turn away as I began to lose myself in the tortuous sensations.

He slowly dragged the scrap of lace down my legs, leaving me completely exposed to him. My nerves and a sense of almost overwhelming anticipation sent a slight tremor through my body as he leisurely kissed his way back up my legs. I felt his warm breath nearing my core and I willed myself not to snap my legs shut. Though I considered myself pretty well versed in the world of pleasure, I had never let anyone kiss me _there_. Sure, most of the men I slept with tried after I took care of them, but I always swatted them away impatiently, never ready for that kind of intimacy.

His mouth lightly kissed me first, causing me to let forth a quiet whine. I reached down and tangled my fingers in his hair as his tongue began to alternately graze and suck my sensitive bundle of nerves. The sensation was overwhelming, and he used his hands to keep my hips from bucking sporadically. I arched my back and whimpered, the pleasure spreading from my core into my legs and arms. He was in complete control, driving me wild when he steadily pushed two fingers into me, intensifying my pleasure.

Between his mouth and his fingers I was seeing stars. I could feel the pressure building up, letting me know that I was close to release and I cried out, not caring if I was waking anyone up. Yet, right before I felt myself shudder underneath him I pushed myself up, pushing his mouth and hands away. "I… I can't. It's too much." I was breathing heavily and his hypnotic eyes bore into mine.

I tried to ignore the pressure in between my legs and the strange twisting tension in my stomach as I pulled my legs into my chest. Peeta looked up, his eyes still slightly glazed over with passion and his chest was heaving. I could tell that he was trying to clear his mind so that he could figure out his next move.

He took the hand that had swatted his away, staring down at it curiously, somewhere in between enraptured and confused, "You're shaking."

Shit. I was smack dab in the middle of one of the most pleasurable experiences of my life and I was on the verge of a panic attack.

I took my hand back and looked away from the brilliant blue eyes that were studying me, "I'm sorry, I just…I just don't really like to let myself _go_ like that." I was stuttering and my hand began trembling even more. "I can't… let you… uh… do that to me."

My voice was faltering and I could barely whisper, "I can't lose control like that."

"Shhh…" Peeta hushed me and took both of my trembling hands into his, raising them so he could kiss my knuckles and then my palms.

"Just trust me Katniss. I'm not going to hurt you." He dropped my hands and crawled over me, "let yourself go, just this once." His lips trailed down my neck, and my back arched into him "I promise that I'll make it worth your while."

I nodded, still in a daze. "Now, take your bra off," he growled. I listened as if under a spell. His kissed one of my breasts as his skilled hand caressed the other. Soon he began nipping and sucking vigorously and my back arched into him again.

I could feel my pulse racing anxiously until his teeth clenched down softly on my hard nipple, and my mind was wiped clear of anything other than the pleasure.

He pulled back and slipped his boxers off, reveling himself to me. He leaned over, whispering into my ear, "Feel how much I want you." I took his length into my hand, slowly traveling up and down his shaft, pausing only at the top in order to lightly trace my finger across his slit.

His eyes rolled back into his head and he grunted in pleasure. He was slowly losing control and stopped my hands, knowing that he needed to stay in charge. "I'm going to let you start this time. Now touch yourself. Show me what you want."

I was hesitant, I had only done this once before, and I was still pretty embarrassed about it. Yet, my hand slowly made it's way down my body until it was settled in between my legs. I cautiously rubbed myself as Peeta's breath became more labored above me.

"Fuck, you are so sexy." I bit my lip, turning my head to the side, simultaneously self-conscious and unwilling to stop the waves of pleasure that began lapping up my body. I tried to regain control of my body, but my legs began to quiver. Blocking out the rest of the world, I found a rhythm that was quickly bringing my body to the point of no return.

"I want you!" The strangled cry escaped my lips without permission. Peeta kept still, transfixed by the circular motion of my hips and the words that had just come out of my mouth.

"I want you to touch me… to feel me." His eyes grew wider as I bucked my hips again, "I want you inside of me."

He moved me hand aside and positioned his length right in front of my entrance. The only emotion I could read on his face was 'hunger' as he bent down and kissed me deeply before slowly sliding into me. I gasped, letting him fill me and reveled in his almost painfully slow pace as pulled himself back out. As he continued sliding in and out of me at a snail's pace, his eyes locked with mine. My chest rose to meet his, and my head fell back as I begged him to go faster. But he only kissed my shoulders and neck in response.

"I want you to feel this… really feel the two of us." He murmured into my chest. "This isn't about getting off as quick as you can, and walking out the door."

His hand reached down in between us, teasing my most sensitive spot. I gripped the bed sheets, holding on for dear life, my legs tensing up. "This is about finding the pleasure right before release, and hovering there as long as you can stand it." I opened my eyes, examining the beads of sweat that were gathered on his forehead. Taking this slowly couldn't have been easy for him either.

"Please," I gasped, "make me…" I paused to let out another gasp as he entered me again. I couldn't think straight, everything was slipping away except for the sensation building in between my legs, "… I'm all yours... completely."

He smirked, clearly waiting to hear this from me, and began pushing into me faster and harder than before. I closed my eyes and let my body take over, giving into the rush and my tightening muscles. He lifted one of my legs onto his shoulder so that each time he filled me he hit the spot that always left me gasping for air. I was approaching a cliff and instead of holding myself back like I usually did, I let myself fall, sparks appearing behind my eyelids, crying out one last time, my muscles contracting around him. Watching me come undone pushed him over the edge as well, and I felt him emptying himself into me.

He collapsed next to me, and I curled into him, my legs still trembling slightly, the force of my orgasm taking me by surprise.

He lazily stroked my hair as we tried to return our heartbeats and breaths back to a normal pace. "So," he murmured, "not so scary, now was it?"


	16. Awkward Threats and Lullabies

I felt the sun filter through my curtains first; I rarely slept in so my limbs were confused and itching for a run. I blinked and tried to bury my head underneath my pillow only to find myself pressed against a warm, softly breathing form. I tried to still my body, knowing that my immediate reaction to this sort of situation was fight or flight. I allowed myself a luxury I never indulged in and instead of wriggling myself out of his grip; I took in the body wrapped around me.

My legs were tangled in his and though we were still naked and our skin seemed to stick together in warmth of my room, I didn't feel self-conscious. My face was pressed against his chest and I felt his heart beat softly along with the subtle rise and fall of his chest that accompanied each breath. His strong jaw and sharp cheekbones were softened by sleep.

I wanted to reach out and trail my fingers across his face, but I let him sleep. I knew the second he woke up I would bolt like a fawn caught in the woods. This was new to me; I had shared something fragile and vulnerable with him last night and all I could think about was running before his eyes opened to find mine, yet I was afraid of what I would miss once I left his arms.

Slowly my hand lifted, tracing his peaceful face. I barely skimmed his skin and tried to revel in the intimate moment we'd never have again. I heard a small, muffled whimper and stilled my hand. Damn it! This was my quiet moment of enjoyment before I released him once and for all.

And then the whimper grew stronger and I realized it came from the room next to mine. Slowly, I withdrew my legs from Peeta's and slithered out of bed. The distressing cries were only growing louder with each passing second from Prim's room and I tried to shuffle over as quietly as possible. The nightmares hit whenever she didn't get enough sleep. I could only hope that my extracurricular activities were not to blame for her current state of insomnia.

Once I reached my door, I cast one more glance back at Peeta deeply breathing and innocently sleeping before I tiptoed into Prim's room. When I entered the pink fortress she was thrashing around on her bed, whimpering and quietly crying into her pillow.

"Prim! My little Primrose!" I shook her lightly, trying to rescue her from the nightmare that held her prisoner.

"Mommy! Make it stop! It's so hot…" Prim screamed for the first time. I knew what dream she was stuck in and kept trying to shake her out of it, perhaps rougher than I should have knowing what it was like to be trapped in this particular memory.

"Mommy no!" I shook Prim violently, trying to wake her up before she stirred Haymitch and Peeta. "Wake up! She's burning! Mommy, please wake up! I love you Mom." Prim let forth a little sob and I could tell she was near waking.

"Please wake up…" she whispered quietly.

Finally Prim's eyes flickered open and she grabbed my shaking form. "Katniss? What did you hear?" She was frantic and her grasp tightened to confirm I was real.

"I was so scared…" She finally whispered. I let Prim collapse and sob into my arms, not wanting to remind her of the vivid dream that had just overtaken her.

"Prim, you had a nightmare. Mom isn't here, but I am." Prim continued to sniffle in my arms, " Shhhh. quiet now, love. You need to go back to sleep. Don't be afraid, I will always take care of you little duck."

She nuzzled herself further into my arms, "Katniss…"

"Yes my love,"

"Sing the song please."

I could hear her sniffle a few times, trying to hold back her sobs and be a big, stoic girl just like her older sister.

"Okay Prim, I'll sing just for you." I felt her body release all of its tension and go limp in my arms.

I smiled into her forehead, "I'm not going to sing all of it, but promise me you'll try to go back to sleep if I sing it?"

"I promise," Prim barely whispered, nuzzling further into my grasp.

I took a deep breath; I knew it would hurt because it reminded my so much of a time when my Mom and Dad were so desperately and crazy in love with one another, but I also knew it would soothe the semi-conscious Prim:

"Just close your eyes,

The sun is going down.

You'll be all right,

No one can hurt you now.

Come morning light,

You and I'll be safe and

Sound."

At this Prim stirred in my arms. The song that my mother had written for us years ago had released her from her nightmare and she was ready to softly sing the next verse with me:

"Just close your eyes.

You'll be all right.

Come morning light,

You and I'll be safe

And sound."

As the two of us began to sing together I picked up on the soft shuffling in the hallway. Someone was listening in on our moment, but I chose to block it out as I gave myself over to the soft harmony that only Prim could lure me into.

Miraculously, Prim's breathing slowed. I silently thanked my mother for the one resource she had left me with, the song that always sent at least on one us back to sleep. I continued to cradle her in my arms for a few minutes, knowing that I should just lower her back onto her bed and let her sleep. She hasn't needed me for a long time and for once I just wanted to be her big sister, protecting her from all the big bad memoriess that threatened her peaceful slumber.

Just as I lowered her onto her mattress and pulled her covers over her tightly, I heard two hushed voices down the hallway:

"Beautiful, isn't it Blondie?"

"Yeah, it is. I didn't know both of them could sing…"

"Don't be stupid." Haymitch interrupted. I smirked slightly, imagining the slightly taken aback look on Peeta's face.

"They're just mocking birds, repeating what their parents' knew."

Haymitch sighed audibly and continued in an impatient tone, "I may not share any blood with those girls, but I wake up everyday because I know they are just down the hall and I have to be sober enough to make sure that at the very least they both get out of bed."

He paused and I heard shuffling feet, "I have a feeling your girl feels the same exact way about me…even though she'll never admit it." He laughed a bit at this and I rolled my eyes, slowly easing off of Prim's bed, trying not to wake her.

"I don't have a whole lot to live for at this point, but those two girls keep me going." I finally made my way to Prim's doorframe and peeked out just enough to catch a glimpse of the two of them, Haymitch with his arms crossed and scowling in a ratty bathrobe, and Peeta, blushing furiously and inching back into my room.

"I can only imagine. " Peeta started hesitantly, "Just hearing them sing… I… I mean it seems like I've witnessed something… I don't know... sacred."

Haymitch rolled his eyes dramatically. He was never one to appreciate poetic sentiments.

"Look, we're all survivors, but truth be told, the two of us," He motioned between himself and my bedroom, "survive for that little girl. There is nothing more innocent and cheerful than Prim."

Haymitch uncrossed his arms and placed one of his hands on Peeta's shoulder forcefully.

"On the other hand there is nothing more cynical, hollow, and jaded than me and Katniss."

I could tell he had begun to squeeze tighter as Peeta began to grimace slightly, "Yet, I feel like that girl had a chance. Hell, she brought you home!" He cackled loudly at his crude comment.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm not excited about it." He finally released Peeta and gave him a light shove towards the door to my room, "In fact, I think you should just write her a nice little note, leave it on the pillow, and get the fuck out of dodge before she makes her way back here."

At this my blood began to boil, sure I had broken rule number one, never bring anyone home while Prim was here, but that was no reason to make a scene in the hallway when I had just gotten little sis to go back to sleep.

Haymitch swayed slightly, indicating that even though it was early, he was clearly less than sober, "I have to admit, it says something that you've even lasted the night… which is more than I can say for all the others."

Peeta's eyes widen considerably and he took another step towards my door while Haymitched wheezed at his callous joke. "Look, I can tell you're a good kid, but after all the heartbreak that gal's been through… I'm not sure she has any more room in her heart."

"I think you might be underestimating her." Peeta bit back defenseivly.

Haymitch just smiled sadly back, "Trust me kid, I've been the gate keeper for over ten years now." Peeta's mouth opened slightly and closed again, indicating that he was trying to muster up some kind of come back, but Haymitch interrupted, knowing he had nothing, "grab a cup of coffee on your way out, and let the three of us try and survive in peace."

I began walking down the hall, but only Peeta noticed as Haymitch had his eyes trained furiously on the thoroughly frightened young man in front of me.

"Those girls keep me alive and I'm not giving that up for anything. Kapeesh?"

"Haymitch!" I whispered loudly.

The old man jumped slightly but collected himself quickly, grinning at me.

"I'll walk him back to his car now." We were now glaring at each other, Peeta in the middle, too nervous to move, "No need to scare the poor boy just because I've broken your one stupid rule for the first time in twenty-four years."

"Ha! One rule sweetheart? For the first time?" Haymitch bent over, trying to contain his laughter.

"Shut up! Prim is trying to sleep!" I whispered through gritted teeth.

Haymitch continued chuckling to himself as he wobbled back to his room, pausing only to mumble over his shoulder, "we'll talk about how much you fucked up when you get back darlin'."

* * *

Peeta and I got dressed quickly and were soon out the door. We walked most of the way back to the bar in silence, with me a couple of paces in front. After being caught by Haymitch and also realizing that Peeta was the first guy I let wake up in my room, I was in no mood to chat.

I could tell the blonde behind me was itching to talk but I just kept barreling ahead. I wasn't good at goodbyes; in fact I avoided them with all of my being unless absolutely necessary. I just wanted to walk him to his car and turn back around. Then as I stopped to cross a particularly busy street I felt his hand trace the infinity tattoo on my back and I shuddered before turning around angrily.

'What?"

"Nothing," I expected him to look taken aback, but he only looked amused. "I was just wondering…"

"Yes…" I waved my hand impatiently, pissed that he was stalling our goodbye.

"Where is Annie's?"

I froze. He smirked, knowing his question had gotten the desired effect.

"Where is Annie's what?" I replied through gritted teeth.

"Annie's tattoo." He stated matter-of-factly.

"I noticed yours during the rehearsal dinner, and Johanna's isn't hard to spot buried in her sleeve if you know what you're looking for…"

My breathing was slowly becoming unsteady, but he pushed on, "and of course I know about Delly's, even though it's in white ink on her forearm. So where's Annie's lovely figure eight?"

"It's an infinity symbol," I snapped, "...and it's behind her ear."

"Ah," Peeta breathed out, "no wonder I didn't see it." He stepped closer and grabbed both of my stiff arms, bringing me into him.

"Delly called me after she got hers." I leaned into his chest slightly and he began speaking into my hair, "I think they're beautiful."

"We got them after Annie…" I choked on my words, still a little stiff in his arms, "after Annie came back to us, right around the time I met you."

**Sorry for the delay... I've been doing life and stuff. Also, the song is clearly not mine, and yes it is Taylor Swift. I would be slightly more embarrassed if it wasn't on the Hunger Games Soundtrack and didn't also feature the Civil Wars, one of my current musical obsessions. (Also, I'd be lying if I hadn't listened to that "I knew you were trouble" song from TSwift's album Red about a million times. I'm ruining my Indie cred and it feels so damn gooooood.)**


	17. Wasting Time and Waiting for Traffic

**Winter 2010:**

I was shocked that Dr. A didn't cancel our session for the week. It was the beginning of my senior year and I had enough to worry about between trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do after graduation and exactly how my mother was going to feel tonight. What happened this weekend just dealt me an extra blow I wasn't ready for. None of us were ready, especially not Annie. Our sacred circle was no longer the Broken Bitches Brigade, instead we were just merely broken.

"I know that there are probably a lot of mixed feelings in this room," Dr. A began after a brief moment of silence, "sadness, loss, guilt, and anger. These are all feelings that are undoubtedly familiar to you all as each and every one of you have faced some sort of abandonment in your life."

The room felt out of balance, as if we were bracing our legs against the floor fighting a heavy slope, trying to avoid sliding towards the coach where Annie usually sat.

"I know the subject will be a tough one," Dr. A was speaking in her softest voice, trying to keep the room calm, but we could all see Johanna fidgeting anxiously, a bomb ready to detonate. "But we need to address it, no matter how tough it is."

The room was heavy and now felt nearly vertical. I could barely keep myself balanced on the chair I was sitting on, let alone discuss my feelings. Whatever had kept me stable and grounded these last couple of years was off and I just wanted to give into the vertigo.

"Johanna, since you were with Annie at the time of the incident, I think it would be beneficial if you just simply told us what happened. You don't have to share anything more than you want to, but please let us help you carry your burden."

Dr. A's hands inched forward, as if to grasp Johanna's, but she paused just short of her, noticing the tension in all of her muscles.

"Fine!" spit Johanna, "I know I'm not going to get out of this and I'd rather just get it over and done with so I don't have to deal with your fucking simpering looks for the rest of the goddamn session."

She was staring at Delly, but I knew that was only because she was the only one in the room that dared to match Jo's gaze.

Johanna took a deep breathe in. I couldn't tell if I was projecting or not, but it sounded shaky, as if for once she didn't want to shout what was on her mind. Annie had made Jo feel something, and all of us knew this wouldn't be easy.

"I was chaperoning their fifth freakin' date..." Annie was intrigued by Finn, but still didn't trust him enough for the two of them to be alone together and always made an excuse to bring her bodyguard, Jo, with her.

"This time was less awkward because we were going to a book signing by this bad ass vegan lady chef," she paused and her dark eyes scanned the room, daring any one of to laugh. Jo had practically raised herself, so it was no surprise to me that she learned to cook a thing or two.

"Of course Annie and I were huge fans because we didn't have anyone to teach us shit in the kitchen, but Finn," she paused to chuckle lightly, "he tried so hard to convince us both that he was seriously getting into vegan cooking lately. Annie bought it hook, line, and sinker." She still smiled, though the playful look on her face was fading quickly.

"I saw through that boy so fast, but considering he was standing in line for two hours at a no-name bookstore instead of getting her wasted, I let him slide."

For the first time since I've started attending these sessions, Jo didn't look at us, and instead began staring at the clasped hands in her lap. "We were near the front of the line when she got the call."

"Honestly, I didn't think anything of it, even though she looked a bit nervous and immediately ducked out of line to talk. Annie always looks nervous, it's just part of what makes her so damn endearing." Jo began rubbing her hands together nervously. Jo was nervous. My one emotional rock was cracking before me and I could only watch in silence.

"About five minutes later, Finn and I heard a shriek from the back of the book store. It… it was so sad and…" Jo paused and scrunched her eyebrows, clearly trying to get the moment just right, "…and broken. She sounded like just like a scared little girl, defenseless… and just…. so fucking alone. I've never heard anything like it."

"Finn was still searching the store for the sound but I knew it was her right away. Within seconds she had thrown her phone and bolted for the door. I ran after her, shoving everyone out of the way." She laughed loudly, causing all of us to shrink back in our seats.

"I was on the track team in High School, but that girl can run like the fucking wind." She shook her head back and forth incredulously. "I could hear Finn running behind me, but I was faster."

"It took me a few blocks but I was finally able to get close enough to tackle her down to the ground." There was no more sign of laughter or mirth in Johanna, her head now hung low and close to her lap.

"She was shaking so hard…and… and the palms of her hands and knees were bleeding… because of me." It was unmistakable; the unmovable Johanna was now sniffing back tears. "When Finn caught up to me I had her cradled in my arms, just like I used to do with…Lily…and I was rocking her back and forth, trying to smother her cries in my chest."

Johanna stopped here. The memory was too much, and she had mentioned her little sister, adding fuel to the fire. The silence that settled over us wasn't awkward; instead each of us was lost in thought, probably recalling a similar memory, just with a different setting and players.

"So what are we supposed to say now?" Jo's head snapped up and she looked accusingly at Dr. A.

"What's the PC term for what's going on here? Is she in an insane asylum… no too archaic, what about a mental hospital?" Her intense stare did not waver, but Dr. A made no indication that she was going to reply.

"Oooooh! OH!" Johanna was shouting now, which at least was familiar and thus, slightly comforting, " let's use euphemisms! Annie "went away," Annie wasn't "feeling well" and had to spend some time at "the hospital!"

"NO!" Jo was on her feet, eyes and fists clenched shut, "the man who took EVERYTHING from that beautiful fucking girl and made her feel like a WHORE her whole life was let out of jail and what do we do?" Her eyes snapped open; "we lock her up in the loony bin because she lost her shit in public."

Jo headed for the door and Dr. A rose from her seat, grabbing her tensed arm.

"Let go." Johanna relied through clenched teeth. Delly and I held our breaths as Dr. A held her grip.

"Unless you can tell me why I should play by the rules in a society that lets that man run free to touch and beat on all the little girls he wants to while one of the ONLY people I love is drugged up in some facility because everyone wants her to forget and just act "normal" so the rest of us don't feel uncomfortable, then I don't want to fucking hear it."

After a tense beat, Dr. A releases her arm and Jo opens the door. She is nearly all the way out when she turns and I can see the unwanted tears threatening to spill from her dark threatening eyes.

"You know why I come here every week? Because this is the only place where I know everyone will show up every week. I trusted that she would always be here, sitting awkwardly in the corner. But she left, just like everyone else. All of this" she waved at the three of us still remaining, "is temporary. We aren't family. We won't always be here for each other. We will forget. We will stop caring."

She took in a deep, raspy breath, "I'm glad Annie's gone. Now I know that I don't have to waste my time on any of you." With that Jo slammed the door.

** Present Day:**

When I came to I shaking with my arms clasped around Peeta. We were by the same stop sign that he asked me about Annie's tattoo, and I realized that I had been vocalizing everything that had run through my mind. I had shared something incredibly private and fragile. I was wracked with guilt, yet, I knew Peeta would never say anything. Against all odds, I trusted him.

"I wish I could go back and run after her, tell her that this wasn't over, this was the moment where we realized how much we needed each other…though it would take us months to admit it." I leaned into Peeta's chest, diverting my eyes from his.

"I wanted to tell her that Annie wasn't any more her fault than Lily. I wanted to tell her that even though the whole situation was fucked up, it lead to the best thing that ever happened to Annie. Finnick visited her each and every day in the hospital. Most days he sat next to her bed holding her hand while she stared into the distance, or he was turned away by the staff and threw a fit until they delivered a message to her." I smiled very slightly, remembering everyone's quiet curiosity regarding our former playboy friend and his new role in the fragile girl's life.

"Later I asked Finn what kept him coming back, though for the first month or so she was nothing more than a shell. All he'd ever tell me was that 'she crept up on me.'" I lifted my head and looked up at Peeta, his blue eyes were unwavering and attentive, making me nervous.

"Maybe I'll never understand what holds two people together. It never really makes sense, and it's usually really hard instead of purely enjoyable. All I know is that for some reason he kept showing up, and eventually she came back to us." I smiled up at him, and he allowed the corners of his mouth to travel upwards as well.

"When she came back that night at the bar, she was beautiful and she was in love; with herself, with life, and most of all with that strange man that just kept showing up." I traced small circles in Peeta's chest and let myself linger in the moment for a brief second before pulling away.

"But I know that's not how it usually works, and I'm not going to fool myself now." I broke free from his grasp and took a step backwards.

Peeta gazed at me with sheer determination and defiantly took a step towards me, breaching the space I had created between us. "I know you don't want to say goodbye, that you've had too many people leave in your life to expect anything else, but I just…" He paused, momentarily lost only to reach up and tuck a loose piece of hair behind my ear.

"… I know that this isn't the end of our story. I saw you again after I thought I'd lost you forever. Maybe this is just the beginning Katniss."

I tried to stifle the incredulous laugh that threatened to burst forth from my mouth and the eye roll that would surely accompany it. I didn't want to spoil his idealistic moment with my jaded realism. He'd get it soon enough.


	18. Bogusness and Brisket

**Hey ya'll, it's been a while but I had to wrangle this story in and get a hold of her. This is sort of part 2 of 2. Please let me know what you think after reading if you are so inclined. Too slow/cerebral? Not enough lemon-y t goodness? Should Katniss just throw caution to the wind already and experiment with Johanna already?**

* * *

**6 Months Later**:

"Do you know what really pisses me off?"

It was a surprisingly beautiful night in Texas. The tepid air was thick and comforting and I was having a hard time focusing on the conversation, preferring to let myself be swathed in the evening.

"I don't know Johanna, everything?" Delly raised her beer to her lips with a smile.

"No, try again cun..."

"Jo!" Annie interrupted with a squeak, slapping a hand over her mouth before dropping her head down to her chest and giggling to herself. Thankfully, married life had not changed Annie much; she was as endearingly off-putting as always.

"No wait, I got it! Thom not putting out?" Johanna smacked me in the arm from where she sat next to me on the porch swing. Delly and Annie were plopped down on the deck in front of us, leaning into the splintery wood behind them.

"No."

"Is this about that time you tried to have sex with one of his band mates but couldn't go through with it and shoved him out of your apartment without his pants?"

"Damnit Annie!"

"Is it because when you told us that story Delly laughed at you so hard…"

"Kat-" Johanna balled up her fists, trying to steer the conversation away from anything Thom related, which was coincidently our new favorite topic.

"…that beer came out of her nose?" I was laughing deeply now. Probably due in part to the few whiskey sours I had put back

"Shut up!" Delly crosses her arm, clearly not pleased that we were no longer just making fun of Johanna. "I'm still traumatized I'll have you know," she said with a huff. "It was like borrowing a Neti pot from Haymitch."

At this, even Jo started laughing. I had missed this. It was the first bar-be-que we'd had at the boys', or now technically Thresh's, place in a while. Finnick and Thresh had planned the whole thing, insisting a celebration was in order.

The speakers on the porch were blaring a mix of bluegrass and Finn's "summer hits of the 90's" Pandora station. The boys and a few of their buddies were milling about the keg, and Thresh was manning the grill. It felt like one of those perfect Texas nights where I simply couldn't fend off happiness and let envelope me in a haze of contentment. Tonight, all felt right with the world.

"No you jerks! I was going to say, what really pisses me off is that everyone is growing up except for me!" I rolled my eyes at Johanna, wondering how much she's had to drink tonight.

"Usually I'd call you all brainless, I mean who wants to "grow up" and suddenly start worrying about shit like 401Ks and mortgages when you don't have to?"

Jo gave a heavy sigh, but suddenly cracked a devious smile at all of us, "but I have to say, I'm pretty damn happy for all of you. Just don't forget about your tragically beautiful, sexually liberated, drunk Peter Pan, okay you idiots?"

"Johanna," I reply in a mockingly serious tone as I slapped my hand down on her shoulder, "I promise to never, ever fail to show up at your bar demanding free drinks, move out of the house I live in with my 55 year old man-child, or understand what a 401K actually is." At this Johanna grabbed the sides of my face and planted a sloppy, wet kiss on my cheek

Though we were all grinning, there was a general understanding that we were at a precipice. The bar-be-que, while an excellent excuse to drink good beer and get Tresh to make his famous brisket, was indeed quite the celebration. I had put in my two weeks notice at the bar, having secured a staff position at Environmental Corps in town. Delly had finally bit the bullet and agreed to move in with Clove. Thresh had gotten into a PhD program at UT and of course the biggest news of all…

"I AM THE MOST FERTILE MAN IN THE WORLD!" Finnick had crawled out of a second story window and was screaming out his new favorite catch phrase on the roof to a riotous round of applause and catcalls.

"I still can't believe THAT guy is going to be a father," Jo mumbled under her breath as Annie quickly got up and ran into the house to haul her over zealous husband down from the roof.

* * *

A couple of hours later Jo and I were the only ones left on the porch.

I played with the end of my braid, trying to get out of my head, "It still seems so crazy to me. She just seems so sure about everything and so completely unafraid to take on this life-altering…I don't know… chaos."

"Chaos, Everdeen?"

"You know how I feel about babies Jo."

I get a knowing snort in response and barrel on, "It's not like I don't believe Annie when she says that she finally gets to start making the family she never had and she's really happy or whatever… I just…"

I let out a big sigh and let it float out into the night sky.

"I just can't even imagine wanting those things. Kids. A family. Honestly, if I were to get pregnant right now, my first thought would be, 'What am I going to do? I can't do this! I'm too young! I can't be a pregnant teen?!' That's how completely unprepared I am."

"You and me both Katfish, we'd be great for one twisted episode of 'Mentally 16 and Pregnant'."

"You can't call me Katfish on the show."

"You're leaving me at the bar all by my lonesome. I give you whatever nickname I want."

"Deal." I lean over and lay my head on Jo's shoulder. Usually neither one of us are fans of displays of affection, but she allows it, undoubtedly thinking the same thing I am; "When the hell did our lives get so scary and responsible?"

* * *

After our impromptu cuddle session, I helped Johanna gather extra blankets and pillows so she could get comfortable on the couch.

"Not spending the night with me _sweetheart_?" Johanna sneered, doing a nearly dead-on impersonation of Haymitch.

"Uhhh… I'll probably be back down I just… I think I'm just going to go say goodnight to…"

"Yeah, yeah" Johanna cut me off. "Go say whatever the fuck you want to Marvel's dick. Just be quiet, I don't want to hear that shit."

Thresh had found Marvel on Craigslist after Finnick moved out. He had recently moved to Austin to work on some kind of social media start-up and had wiggled his way into…well… at least Cato's heart. Unfortunately Cato no longer lived in the house and the rest of the boys, and Rue, were having a hard time warming up to him. It probably didn't help that he'd gotten me ridiculously drunk one night while I was waiting for Thresh to come home and abruptly taken me to bed.

Johanna hated him and Delly refused to acknowledge his presence after she caught him slapping my ass, urging me to grab him a beer. Even though my friends weren't crazy about him, I knew he was different when we were alone. He was surprisingly tender and emotional. He regularly spewed out compliments and showered me with flowers, expensive dinners, and thoughtful gifts; things I never really asked for, but was attempting to learn to appreciate. I wish I could return his feelings with the same amount of passion, but every time we were physical with each other I always felt numb and slightly cheap.

I was using him, not for the presents or lavish dates, but for an emotional connection. As much as I hated to admit it, I missed my best friend. I missed solace, comfort, and ease. Over the last couple of months I found some of that with Marvel; lounging on his couch, eating take out and watching zombie flicks. I felt that sex was a small price to pay for the security I felt when I was with him.

On the other hand, my friends' judgmental looks and disdain were becoming almost intolerable.

"Jo, can we not get into this right…" the phone vibrating in my pocket abruptly cut off my snappy retort.

"Better get that Katfish. Someone's probably getting restless."

I tried to ignore Johanna's sneer as my breath hitched reading the name flashing across the screen: Peeta Mellark.

Aside from a few witty texts here and there and one embarrassingly explicit drunk dial, we'd kept to ourselves.

I worried my lips between my teeth and tried to will myself to read his message as I caught Johanna's malicious scoff turn curiously soft.

Thrown, I delved in:

"What are you doing Monday?" Great, something cryptic and ultimately meaningless.

"Working. In Austin. You?"

"Meet me for a drink?"

"No offense, but I don't really feel like driving four hours for a cocktail and small talk."

"I'm here, in Austin. Have been for about a week."

WHAT THE FUCK! My brain was screaming and my body couldn't keep up with the rush of emotions that was suddenly thrust upon me. I had complied a list of food trailers, hiking trails, and bars I wanted to take him to in my silly little fantasy life, but six months later? With no warning? No explanation? Honestly, there is nothing more I'd rather do than avoid him and his sincerity like the damn plague. This couldn't actually happen.

I refused to let him throw me. I was on track and in charge of my life. One quick drink wouldn't sway me. I decided to play it cold:

"Huh. Fine: Rio Rita's, 6, tomorrow."

I regretted replying right after I hit send. I didn't want him here. I liked Peeta because he was a fleeting fantasy, someone who could make me believe there was someone out there that I could finally just stop pretending around. I wanted to waste every day with him. That was all well and good for a weekend, but…

I didn't know what he wanted; I just knew that I couldn't give it to him without lying.

Fuck. Everything.

* * *

I sobbed on my bedroom floor the night Peeta left. I didn't know what was happening to my body or how to make it stop. I cried until my chest heaved and all that came out were soft, hoarse gasps. I didn't cry because he left, I cried because our night together had left me vulnerable and raw. Everything that I had been trying so hard to forget came rushing forth; my shell of a mother, Annie so frail and broken in the hospital, holding Prim's hand at my father's funeral, the night Gale left me shaking and scared in his driveway. I decided that night that if this is what it felt like to finally feel something again, I didn't want any part of it.

Though I tried to distract myself, for a while I tried to make it work, at least in my head. Though our romance had been little more than a brief lapse in time, I atypically let myself fantasize.

Now we aren't talking the tie me up, eat me out, leave me groaning type of fantasy, though to be fair I did a good amount of that as well. Instead I imagined what it would be like if we were ever in the same place for an extended amount of time.

Suddenly my thoughts were flooded with images of a bedroom bathed in morning light that we shared. He'd wake up first and I'd catch him looking at me with a goofy grin. I'd roll my eyes and accuse him of being a creep before trying to wrestle my way on top of him. We'd spend the morning grappling and teasing underneath white linens and a feathery down comforter.

I know this sort of fantasy should leave me gagging and retching, but instead other day dreams much like it began to invade my thoughts: I washed the dishes that earlier held the delicious meal he conjured up, while he lounged on the couch actually reading the book I'd been bugging him to read. He'd take me out for a greasy hangover brunch after a long night with the girls and laugh along with me as I tired to recount all the ridiculousness of the night before. I'd haul him to football games in the fall, bribing him with beer if he cheered for my team. Our legs would tangle up together on our bed, taking solace in one another after a long day of work.

Needless to say I was appalled with myself. These moments are called fantasies for a reason; no man on earth can fulfill all these sun-shiny sentiments. Peeta lived roughly four hours away and I could barely respond to a random text he sent me without first being flustered and then irritated. I did not know this man. I created a work of fiction. I was glad he, both versions, were carefully shoved away from my life. Fantasies only remind you what you want and don't have.

I tried to focus on the other things that distracted me from my voluntary loneliness: beer, friends, trashy novels, whiskey, making sure Haymitch woke up every day, breakfast tacos, my fiddle, pitiful attempts at random hookups, and subsequently my Toyfriend.

Once, while indulging in three of my favorite distractions (beer, liquor, and friends) I admitted to Johanna that after a particularly earth shattering orgasm, I actually whispered to my vibrator, "I love you."

Now, in my defense, I've read that when a woman has an orgasm, she releases a hormone that makes her feel emotionally tied to her mate. Thus, I was simply acting on biological impulses and felt the need to be affectionate with my chosen partner.

Johanna quickly retorted with two very solid points: 1) One does not mate with plastic and rubber, and should biologically be predisposed to avoid emotional attachment with an inanimate object, and 2) I have never once told another human being that I love them, at least in a romantic sense, thus this recent development was rather sad. The fundamental reason why Gale and I broke up was because he told me he loved me and I responded with a resounding… "I know."

Thus, I attempted to push my fantasies aside, creating new images of coming home to an impressive loft apartment that I shared with my loyal Australian sheepdog and throwing off my heels after a long day of incredibly significant environmental policy work. I began to drive relentlessly towards this goal because the only potential roadblock was myself. This was a dream I could make a reality all on my own, and that was powerful. I didn't dare muddy it with the presence of another human being, someone unpredictable that could potentially destroy everything I'd work towards.

Yet there was one thing still bothering me, since the wedding I compulsively craved sex. It was as if being with Peeta had broken a dam within me and I was just trying to keep afloat despite the rushing water. I thought about him moving over me constantly. I mourned the loss of the way he made me feel completely open and willing. It came to the point that I found myself pulling off to the side of the road in search of release after the vibrations of my car had set my off and I was panting so hard I couldn't drive. Even if I used my own hand or toys to get me off, the thing that always sent me over the edge was the thought of his tongue lapping up my wetness or imagining that he was watching me get off, writhing and whining for his touch.

And that's where the boys' new roommate Marvel came into play. I wasn't so desperate for sex that I'd give myself away to the first guy that leered at me, but truth be told, I was lonely.

That hurt the most, knowing that I was fooling around with someone just because suddenly I didn't want to be alone. I'd never needed anyone else's affection, or presence really. I'd never folded to society's social expectations, but I was just intrinsically lonely. Considering how much support I had in my life, this sense of loneliness was pretty damn selfish, but I couldn't shake it. I'd traded my body for companionship. I hated it and couldn't cut myself off, and that's why I had started to ignore Peeta's calls and messages. I didn't want him to know me anymore.


	19. Happy Hour and Romance in the Hilary Era

**First of all, thank you, thank you, thank you for the reviews, follows and favorites! They keep me motivated. Well, that and pinot noir, vegan quesadillas, and the honorable Republic of Texas. **

**Though there have been many a pause and delay as of late, the rest of this story is all mapped out, and thus should be updated on the reg, the only potential delay being getting caught up in the other amazing stories on this site. **

* * *

By the time he arrived at the bar I was already settled in at the patio out back, sipping on a comped beer and listening patiently to two grizzled men from Odessa tell me about their glory days playing high school football.

I spotted Peeta out of the corner of my eye and tried not to turn my head. My body rebelled against me and a warm surge of exhilaration invaded my stomach, ending as a rapid heart beat. Fine, I let myself admit, he was still attractive. Very attractive. I refused to let this change anything. I was different now; I wasn't frail and aimless anymore. I didn't need Gale or any other man looking out for me.

I didn't rise to meet him, instead letting my eyes linger over his frame as he stood next to my table.

"Hey Mellark, make yourself comfortable."

Peeta eyed me suspiciously, the two large men across from me making no moves to leave.

"I'm sorry, I'm being terribly rude," I say with a wink to Peeta that I can only hope he catches, "allow me to introduce to my two good friends Tim and Javi."

Perhaps I should feel more uncomfortable than amused, watching Peeta protectively grip his beer that had begun to sweat in the muggy air, but I rationalize that I am throwing him into a little bit of true Texas culture and smile.

After a few seconds of silence I get up and saunter over to his side. "Now Peeta, these are some state champion linebackers right here! Shake their hands for goodness sake," I ty to reassure him in my sweetest drawl.

Hesitantly he reaches over and proceedes to have his hand crushed by the two men casting protective glances in my direction.

"Now boys," I make my way back over to the table and lean over slightly, "thank you so much for the beer and company, but I'm afraid I've got to teach this city boy some manners. Mind if we have some alone time?"

Without so much as another word, sans a grunt or two, the two men gather their drinks and saunter over to the opposite side of the bar patio.

"What the hell was that about?" Peeta asks, sinking into the bench across from me on the picnic table.

"Now see here," I start, "it may be Austin, but it's still Texas. You can't just let a pretty girl drink all by herself, now can you?"

I'm relived as a giant smile spreads across his face as I laugh at our strange reunion.

I try not to notice the way he fills out his tight black shirt as I gather my thoughts. What do I say to someone I haven't' seen for six months? And not really just anyone, someone who's seen me naked and knows more about me than I'm usually comfortable with sharing. I wanted to be in control tonight and yet all I've managed to do was smile bashfully at him for the last few minutes.

"So Austin…" I begin, drawing out my question, "what brought this about?"

"Well, my job in Houston was up, and I have a handful of pending offers on the table for next fall, so I thought I'd come here to sort out my options. There is a small, but growing, art scene here and I have to admit it's nice living close to family after so long."

"Family?" I ask quietly as I notice him absent-mindedly shredding the label off of his beer.

"Honestly, Delly has been the closest thing to family since my dad died. I have my brothers and mother but they make me feel stressed, strung out, and…. combative. Delly feels like family because she knows all of the good and bad in me and loves me anyway."

Now it's my turn to awkwardly focus on my beer.

"I get what you mean." I almost whisper and his eyebrow peak in interest.

"I know I should probably apply to jobs outside of Texas, but I can't even get myself to think about leaving." I meet his eyes for the first time tonight and wonder how he can get me talking so quickly about what I'm usually determined to keep to myself.

"Prim isn't really here anymore, she goes to school in Philly and will probably do her residency there. Then there's Haymitch, Ha!" I laugh loudly, "Sometimes I convince myself that Haymitch can learn to take care of himself if need be; that it might even do him some good. And then he gets drunk and falls asleep with the radio sitting right on the edge of the bathtub or somehow manages to herd a flock of irate geese into the living room."

I let a smile shyly make its way across my face, " but I can't leave him, or Jo, or Delly, or Annie." I drop my head so I can stare at my shaky, worried hands.

"I love them," my eyes flick back up and meet his, " and I'd sacrifice my own happiness if it meant they got all the love and joy they deserved. Somehow they became family."

Peeta took another sip from his beer and avoided my gaze.

"Shit. What the hell is it about your stupid face that makes me want to spill all my awkward truths?

At this he laughed, which was reassuring. "Not sure, but I like hearing about your absurd existence."

"Absurd? Not even. I have a real grown up job now, just so you know."

"Delly may have mentioned that."

"Yeah, of course she did." I let a small smile escape. "So what is it about my life that you find so absurd? You aren't getting out of this Mellark."

"It's just… the way you talk to me, it sounds like your surrounded by a cast of characters instead of family and friends." I stared at him blankly, not sure if I should be offended or intrigued.

"And you're the heroine, of course, subject to the bizarre whims of everyone else and some sort of unavoidable, melancholy fate."

I opened my mouth to speak, but found that my mind was still trying to wrap itself around what he had just said.

He reached out and lightly placed his hand on mine, "I'm sorry, I realize that isn't really fair. Maybe that's just how I see you; the strong, willful heroine amongst all of the chaos and ridiculousness."

Before I could stop myself, I asked what was immediately on my mind," And in this little fable of mine, where do you fit in?"

He chuckled, slowly pulling his hand back, "Not sure. With you, never Prince Charming, I feel like you've slayed more than enough dragons and had your fill of wistful, unconscious kisses."

My smile was growing wider by the second. He was cheesy but he got me, or at least figured out what I wanted to hear.

"You're already the white knight in your story; relentlessly protecting your fair, blonde-haired, blue-eyed maiden. I'm not sure there's a whole lot of room for anyone else."

We were silent for a few minutes, sipping on our beers and enjoying the muggy air that wrapped protectively around us.

"So why are you really here?" I asked quietly.

"I've never been as calm as I was when I was here. If I have to take time to relax and figure everything out, why not spend it here?" He shrugged nonchalantly.

"I'd be lying if I didn't say you being here wasn't a perk." At this he caught my eye and watched as I squirmed, trying to match his gaze.

"Peeta…" I began, glancing up at him hesitantly.

"Jesus, I've seen that look enough to know that I don't want to hear whatever it is you're about to say. Why not keep it to yourself tonight? Let's just enjoy this."

"I'm kind of dating someone." I blurted out. I didn't even know how I really felt about Marvel, but I was suddenly in need of a buffer between myself and the searing blue eyes in front of me.

"Kind of?"

I pursed my lips and stared down at the table, unable to answer his question.

"Well, it sounds very serious Ms. Everdeen. So I give you my oath that I will not make any advances towards you."

The corner of his mouth lifted into a playful smirk that I was fast growing accustomed to, "Unless you beg for it."

"Peeta!"

"Alright, alright! So what's this guy like?" He looked straight at me and I could tell that he was fighting to remain calm and neutral. Good to know I wasn't the only one.

"I don't know if I really want to talk about him right now." I was fiddling with the label on my beer again, avoiding his gaze.

"Sounds like a winner." he scoffed.

At his the sound of his clear annoyance my eyes flick up towards his aggressively, "look, I'm just trying to keep private whatever's going on between the two of us."

He holds my gaze, but doesn't look convinced. With the most conviction I can muster I try to push out an explanation that will wipe the incredulous look off of his face.

"He makes me feel comfortable. He is comfortable! From what I know about relationships, love, and all the crap in between, that's rare."

* * *

After my small outburst, Peeta steered the conversation to simpler topics. He told me all about his time in Houston and I happily rambled about my new job. Things were just starting to feel relaxed again when I heard my phone go off.

"Damn! That's Annie!" I pointed towards my phone and scurried to the door leading back into the bar.

I'd asked Annie to call me at 10 tonight so I wouldn't be tempted to stay too late. I quickly thanked her and told her I would call her back from my car. Though I could feel my very bones rebel, I knew it was time to call it a night. I was going to be good. Get sleep before work. Check in on Haymitch. Protect myself. Sleep alone.

"Look, I think I should get going" I said when I made my way back to the picnic table we'd been perched all night.

"Already, it's not even 10:30…" He grinned, while eyeing me suspiciously. He knew what I was doing.

"I've got a long day ahead of me. I have real job now, you know?" He could grin all he wanted, but he wasn't going to win this fight. I was in stubborn, independent woman mode and he wouldn't break me. No matter how much my body wanted him to.

"So I've heard. You can't stay for one more drink, even if it's on me?"

He placed his hand on my arm, making me tremble slightly. It certainly didn't help my resolve when he began to languidly run his hand up and down my arm.

I closed my eyes briefly, attempting to take in a deep breath, steeling my resolve.

"No, I really should get going."

His ever-ready smile faded quickly. He was disappointed and I couldn't blame him. I'd been cold and standoffish all night. It was clear that I wasn't going to let him close like I had before.

"I've been talking to a very different Katniss Everdeen, haven't I?" His bright blue eyes flicked downward.

I wanted to kneel before him and lift my hand to his cheek, letting him know that everything was going to be okay and that he could have whatever wanted from me. But I knew it was best to set up the wall now, before anything got too real or serious.

"I suppose so. Drive home safe."

* * *

"Thank you Annie!" I yelled into my phone when I finally pulled myself into my car.

"Kat… no shouting please." I could tell immediately that she was nervous, yet smiling slightly at my excitement. It was strange that I had gotten to the point where I could read someone so well I knew exactly how their faces scrunched up and mouths twitched over the phone.

"Sorry, sorry. I am in my car. I cut it off before ten thanks to your emergency call." I tried to sound excited but the silence on Annie's end let me know I was failing miserably.

"Can I ask you something?" she whispered quietly.

"Sure."

"Did you really need protecting?"

What the hell! I turned my keys in the ignition and started up my crap Volvo. She had agreed to go along with my plan days ago. She understood my reasoning; why question me now?

"Yes Annie! I got physical with Peeta thinking that I'd never have to see him again. And now… I've found something that makes me feel safe and… maybe not wanted per say, but at least needed. I'm not giving that up for some charismatic artist that's going to leave in a few months anyway."

"Why not?" she squeaked, as if surprised that the question left her own mouth.

I sighed heavily, "Look, we've all been controlled by someone else. We've all lost ourselves at some point. I'd also like to think that we've all come back from these experiences stronger. Right now I'm the strongest I've ever been, and I don't need any romantic bullshit to sway that."

Annie quickly interjected, "Who cares if it's cheesy, or… bullshit (she hiccupped over the swear word) as long as you get to actually feel something? There is merit in letting go you know…"

"Fuck Annie," I interrupted, the anger I expected in my voice somehow coming out incredibly soft, "How do you deal with something…a relationship… that is more than just comfortable? Something that doesn't necessarily make you feel like everything is going to be okay?"

I could almost hear Annie softly smile on the other end of the phone, "It's scary. Some days I can't get out of bed because I know… I just know... that I can't give Finnick all the love he gives me. I worry constantly. I can feel him in my bones, and muscles, and nerves, but I can't explain any of this to him. What if I never can? What if that carries over to our baby? It kills me. I can feel it tearing me apart."

We are both silent for a beat, mulling over faith and the ability to let go.

After a deep breath, Annie finally continues, "but if you want me to be completely honest with you Katniss, I feel sorry for you because you've never felt that way. As painful as it all is, it's also the greatest joy I've ever known."

I lift my phone away from my face and scramble to shut it off. I nearly succeed but not before I'm able to hear Annie's last comment:

"When was the last time you felt alive little song bird?"

* * *

Since our first meeting, Peeta and I had hung out quite a bit. Together we devoured breakfast tacos, yelled at basketball games at Jo's bar, (or rather, he yelled while I filled out crossword puzzles next to him), and shared beers with the gang. I always made sure to hang out with him in public places. A part of me knew I was being ridiculous but I didn't want to take any chances, as sad as Annie thought that was.

Though the feeling snuck up on me quietly, I was finally at the point that I felt genuinely happy he was here. I felt uninhibited around him, spilling out all of the ridiculous thoughts and observations I'd collected over the past few days whenever he was around. After a particularly strenuous day clearing trails with a group of teenagers in community service, I called Peeta and asked him to meet up for a cheap beer or five.

I didn't have time to go home and shower after work if I was going to cash in on the happy hour, so I attempted to scrape the mud off of my t-shirt and jeans before getting out of my car. My hair was pulled back into my go-to braid, wisps of sweaty hair sticking out intermittently. I could only bite my bottom lip shyly when he approached the table I was sitting at, cocking his eyebrow at my dirty, disheveled form.

"I like it when you blush," he said as he sat down across from me, picking up the beer I'd already ordered for him, "you look like a kindergartener that's been making mud pies all day."

"Sounds about right," I said, grinning up at him.

I was rewarded with a genuine smile back.

* * *

As usual, our happy "hour" ran late and we were still shooting the shit far after the sun had set.

" No, I'm not kidding! I'm kind of obsessed with Hilary, even when I was a kid." I lifted my beer up to my lips, trying to stifle a quiet laugh at his incredulous look.

"You are so weird." I rolled my eyes but let him continue, though I was sorely tempted to bring up his cheesy Sci-Fi addiction. (I now know that "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" exists. And no, I was never missing out on much.)

He cocked his eyebrow and continued, "I grew up with a Michael Jordan poster on my wall. I wanted to play ball so bad. Unfortunately, I'm still waiting for my growth spurt." This time I couldn't contain myself, and let out a loud round of laughter.

Tonight had been exactly what I needed, but it was only Wednesday, and I knew that I needed to get home soon if I was going to keep up with my usual routine. "Alright, should we head out? I know you're a working man now…"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't get too impressed." He rolled his eyes. Peeta was working diligently at his new studio, but also recently began cooking at Jo's at night in exchange for rent. He didn't need to, having enough money to sustain himself for years, but he liked being able to feed everyone and being useful.

"Oh don't worry, I wasn't." I lean over and punch his shoulder before getting up from my chair and laying a few bucks down on the table.

"You sure do know how to charm someone," Peeta says, offering his arm out to me as I headed towards the exit.

I quickly stride ahead of him, avoiding his waiting grasp, "I learned all my social graces from Haymitch. You're lucky I haven't hurled an empty glass bottle at you yet."

We walked slowly down the block towards my car; our laughter and wide smiles slowly fading into a calm silence.

When I finally reached my car I lifted the corner of my mouth slightly and peered up at Peeta through hooded eyes. I reached for the handle of the door when I felt his hand grasp my arm and whip me around to face him.

Before I had time to think, he pulled me towards him and latched onto my lips with his own. I stiffened almost immediately, but as his lips began moving against my own, I softened, giving in to the gentle push and pull of our kiss. I felt consumed and didn't know whether I wanted to shove him away or devour him. He shifted slightly and began nibbling on my bottom lip. A groan inadvertently escaped my throat at his ministrations, and I was soon awakened by my own simpering sounds, I slid both of my hands to his chest and pushed him forcefully away.

"Wait… what? What was that?"

Peeta looked stunned as I backed away from him. I brought my hands up to my eyes and began to rub them furiously, trying to parcel out every feeling and rational thought coursing through me.

"What are we doing here?" Peeta finally whispered, slowly allowing my hands fall from my face.

"What do you mean?" I cast a suspicious glance in his direction.

He inched forward, grasping my tense arms lightly, "I know you feel it too; what are we doing right now?"

I hated that he didn't answer my question, instead shooting it right back at me. I spurted out the first sin that crossed my mind. "I'm with someone right now. I can't talk to you like this."

At this he let go of my arms and rolled his eyes. "Right, you're with someone. That's why you met me for drinks alone, dressed like that."

"Dressed like what, a fucking sloppy kindergartener?"

"No… undone."

I shoved him further away as I reached for the handle of my car door.

Just my luck, my door wouldn't unlock automatically. I fumbled trying to put the key in, my hands trembling.

"Fuck you!" I shouted, not sure whether I was talking to Peeta or my car at this point, "Just because you aren't getting laid doesn't mean you can be disrespectful."

I finally got the door unlocked and wrenched it open, jut to have him reach out and tug on my arm, turning me around once again. Taken by surprise, I stumbled backwards quickly. He grabbed me just before I fell, hugging me closely to his chest.

I stilled for a moment, refusing to look up, though I knew he was still pissed at my last comment.

"Do you really think I've been celibate since I got here?" He whispered in my ear. "Don't be so naïve Katniss."

I was completely still for a couple more beats than were comfortable before I finally let his words sink in. Of course he'd been with other women; I knew he certainly had in Houston. He was a successful artist, did I really expect him to wait around for me when he had far more cultured and toned women throwing themselves at him on a daily basis? Besides, I had made it clear that I was seeing someone else. I had made my choice and had no right to judge his.

As much as I tried to rationalize his response, it was inescapable, his words hurt like a bitch. I knew I wasn't exactly Texas' greatest catch, but that didn't mean I cared to be reminded of that fact.

"Just tell me one thing, and be honest," he whispered again, this time more softly.

"Why should I?" I murmured though clenched teeth.

"If you do, I'll leave you alone as long as you want."

At this, I relaxed. My arms and shoulders went slack as his grip loosened "Fine. Spit it out."

"Did you mean it when you said that you were only with boyfriend because it was comfortable?" He wasn't touching me, but it still took all I had to lift my eyes to his.

"I don't know." I tried to keep the tremble in my lip still as my eyes met his, refusing to look away.

A silence overtook us, neither of us willing to drop our gaze nor back down.

Finally, he took a step backwards. "That tells me all I need to know."

He looked away, defeated, and I pulled the handle of my door, finally able to slip into my car. I wanted to get away as fast as possible. I wanted to know what he meant. I wanted to make sure this wasn't the end.

I sat stiff as a board in my car for a few beats before I heard the rapping on my window. I lowered the window, still looking forward, as he bent down next to my ear.

"Come over Sunday. Please."

I didn't think. I just responded. "Okay."

I tossed and turned in bed that night, unable to get the conversation between Peeta and I out of my head.

How dare he make me feel this way! I don't care if I was comfortable or not, Peeta's lifestyle dragged him away from me every couple of months, with him everything was raw and fleeting. Which I thought I wanted. Or I still want. Or I want him to stay here, commit to me and adopt golden retriever puppies from the shelter with me.

I hate him. I hate how much I want to reach out and stroke the side of his face, feeling just the beginnings of stubble. I hate that whenever I go on a hike or out to dinner I think about how much he'd enjoy it. I hate that I know at any time dozens of women could be crawling all over him. I hate that he probably wants them too. I hate that I was an idiot that allowed myself to fantasize and get strung along. I hate that I never feel as strong as I know I am around him. I hate that he makes me second-guess myself. I hate that I dream about him, long for him, fantasize about him reaching out desperately for my body.

Most of all, I hate how much I want to see him again, despite how much he might hurt me. I like being around him, watching stupid football games, talking about nothing, and grazing his arm gently with hand.

I need to find solace in someone who will be here for the long term.


	20. Truth, Dare, and Annie

**A slightly shorter chapter than usual, but I didn't have the heart to break up the next espicy bit I have planned for y'all. Also, the last round of reviews were so amazingly motivating. I'm sorry I don't reply personally, I have a messy, forgetful, convoluted mind, but please know that it means A LOT!**

* * *

Nearly a week after my last jarring meeting with Peeta, I managed to find my sanity in Jo's empty bar.

Sure, it was around 3:30 in the morning, but it's Friday and most of us being on the the nine-to-five-Monday-through-Friday shift, we don't have to worry about waking up early for a weekend shift. The exception being Johanna, but considering she is the one passing out shots and swaying her hips to the obnoxious Top-40-radio blasting throughout the bar, I hardly think she cares.

Jo sets the next two rounds of tequila on the table before grabbing Delly's hand, yanking her from her seat and spinning her around madly until she twirls and wraps her way back into Jo's arms for a dramatic, yet clumsy, dip. The two dissolve into laughter before finally taking their seats. Their cheeks are flushed bright pink from laughter and booze, and I imagine mine must look the same. It's just us Broken Bitches tonight, and we're out to prove that no matter how grown up the world keeps trying to make us feel, we can cause a scene like the best of them.

Jo grins wickedly and raises a shot in the air, "A toast… to having no idea what the hell we're doing!" Delly and I pick up a shot and happily join in.

"Raise your damn cranberry juice beautiful" Jo shouts at Annie, who shyly lifts her hand up in the air. "We all knew that you could handle a baby, and an overly-enthusiastic man child all on your own, but throw another baby into the mix…?"

Annie's eyes go wide for a moment, her glass paused right before out shot glasses, before she shouts, "To being completely unprepared…. and to twins!" The slight awkwardness of Delly and I taking in this revolutionary piece of information is quickly replaced by laughter as we take our shots.

Johanna grimaces and shakes her head before shouting, "Twice the blessing, and twice the nightmare!"

My vision is just starting to sway as I look at Delly, her eyes are slightly glazed over but there is still a smile plastered on her face. Jo looks like she is in rare form, but then again, I can never tell when she's buzzed.

"As much as I'd love to just get shit faced with you ladies, I think we should play a little game…" The corner of Jo's mouth lifts slightly, lending a devious look to her features.

"Alright Jo-Jo," I watch as she grimaces slightly at her least favorite nick-name, "what do you have mind? I'm game." I knew they were all curious about Peeta, and that Jo called us here to discuss my juicy business. If I could get dirt on the rest of them in the process it was more than I was hoping for.

"Truth or dare." Delly chokes on her rum and coke, remembering the last time we'd played this little game.

I don't know what the big deal was; sure she was topless as she ran away from the security surrounding the capital building… but it wasn't like she was caught or anything. Plus, she was the perfect distraction as Johanna and I popped a squat* next to the beautiful monument of Texas.

"Breathe brainless," Johanna spat at Delly, "there's a twist. Instead of a dare, if you choose not to reveal a truth, Annie decides whether or not you get another question, or you take a shot."

Annie clasped her hands together and squealed, thrilled to be in charge.

"I'm in, " I took the other shot in front of my and raised it towards the middle. Johanna followed suit. Delly chewed on her bottom lip and stared at the floor before finally letting out a huff and raising her shot glass as well. We clinked and the let the games begin.

* * *

"Alright Everdeen," Johanna turns towards me, "how did your little date with Mellark go?"

I tried to keep the scowl off my face and answer impassively, "It was not a date Johanna." I forced a smile, "and it was _nice_ if you must know. We met at bar. I had sangria and he had a beer. He wanted to stay later, but I excused myself around ten because I had work the next day. Nothing to write home about."

"I wasn't asking about your_ first_ "date" sweetheart." Johanna made air quotes and attempted her best Haymitch impression. Her first big tell that she was drunk.

"Not much more happened after that. We enjoy each others' company..." _and lips_ "... that's it." I replied haughtily.

I was met with a disappointed silence. This was the first time I've opened up about any of our meetings and I'm sure they expected some kind of passionate, torrid reunion.

"NO!" Annie shouted, startling all of us. She giggled madly before turning to me, "That wasn't good enough. Drink… or kiss Johanna!"

Johanna cocked her eyebrow, "didn't see that coming, but I'll allow it." She laughed as she made her way to the bar to grab a handle of whiskey.

"You're hot as hell Jo-Jo, but I don't think I could handle all that woman," I said right before I grabbed the handle she brought over and tossed back a shot. It was going to be a long night.

"Alright Delly," The dirty blond suddenly whipped her head towards me, "how many girls has Peeta screwed around with in the last year?"

"Jesus Katniss, he's right upstairs!" Delly hissed at me. Turns out everyone found out that Peeta was moving to Austin weeks before I did. He was living in the Johanna's guest bedroom. When I initially found out, Jo let me scream at her until I didn't know why I was angry anymore.

"Delly, he's at his studio." Johanna shifted smugly in her seat.

"Fine!" she let out a frustrated sigh, "if you really want to know, I like to call him 'hijacked Peeta' when he gets too far into, I don't know… the art scene, I guess. The Peeta I knew my whole life was the complete romantic. He was a serial monogamist. The Peeta I grew up with would never take someone home and kick her out right after..." Delly squirmed a bit more and avoided my eyes. " Let's just say 'hijacked Peeta' isn't that same guy. He can hurt people now, and sometimes I think he likes it."

The only sound in the bar is the obnoxious dub step beat in the background. Finally Delly turns her eyes to me, "He's different here. When he's in Austin… away from all the praise and the bullshit, he's my Peety again."

Annie is the first to break the tension: "Too vague! Kiss Johanna!"

Delly, probably thankful for the distraction, smirks and leans into Johanna, pausing right before her lips. She leans forward just a bit more and then turns her head at the last minute, her lips landing on Jo's neck.

"I'm a one woman type a gal now ladies. Nice try though Annie."

"Please no more "kiss Johanna" requests Annie, or I'm going to start thinking that Finn isn't satisfying you the way he should be." Jo snaps playfully.

* * *

A few rounds later I was at my limit. We were all giggling madly; Delly, Jo and I because we were quite drunk, and Annie because she was thrilled we all giggled along with her whenever she let an anxious laugh loose.

All in all, I have to give it to Jo for introducing us to "Truth or Annie." I now knew that Gale tried to make it happen with Delly when he first met her years ago, that Jo sobbed on the floor of the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam after eating a gigantic pot brownie when she was 14 and her parents were touring the family around Europe, and that I was severely sexually frustrated, despite getting laid on a semi-regular basis.

Apparently my confession that I could only sleep with Marvel if I'd been drinking was disconcerting. Though I didn't tell the girls, I didn't care to be too aware of whatever was going on. I didn't want to memorize the way his muscles tensed as he hovered above me or catalog each and every time he'd made me moan. I was never one for romance novels and the "throbbing members" that went along with it.

I knew it was a bit sad, but I didn't feel particularly motivated to do anything about it. I didn't want to progress beyond it. Yet I often thought about leaving it behind.

Maybe that's how I ended up in Peeta's room after Annie led a stumbling Delly to her car. I vehemently refused a ride home, claiming I wanted to cuddle with Johanna.

I gripped the railing on the stairs up to Jo's apartment and she threw me an old shirt and tiny cotton shorts before grinning and shutting the door to her room. I immediately pivoted and made my way to Peeta's room. Thankfully it was unlocked.

I didn't bother turning on the light before shedding my tank top, bra, and jeans in favor of Jo's clothes and slipping under his covers.

I must have knocked out right after my head hit the pillow because the next thing I can recall is a sturdy figure wrapping their arms around my waist, my back flush against a broad chest.

"What are you doing here Katniss?" Peeta whispered into my ear, waking me just a bit more from my deep sleep.

"I was tired." I say, slightly wiggling my backside into him.

"And I missed you." I reach down and lightly traced his hands clutching my waist with my fingers.

He doesn't respond and we settle into a soft lull, his breath on my shoulder, his hands lightly tracing my hips and stomach.

"I'm floundering here Katniss." He lightly kisses the space right underneath my ear, causing me to release a contended sigh against my will. "I'm never going to get this right."

"Never say never, Mellark," I whisper as I turn back around to face him. I stare up at him as our breathes wash over each other.

He merely shifts, leaning down to kiss my forehead before settling back into his pillow, eyes closed.

I don't respond, feeling safe in his arms, unwilling to ruin it with truths and reality. My breath evens out, and right before I drift off his lips ghost over my skin, "and you're never going to stay for more than one morning."

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not recommend popping a squat near the capitol building of any state. But sometimes it just happens, and you believe it is extremely patriotic because you are inebriated and you ****_just know_**** that your forefathers would have similarly marked their territory... in such a manner. **

**Not that I know from experience or anything. **

**Running topless around the Tx capitol can also be considered an homage to the Goddess of Liberty*. FYI.**

***Who does have a top, but perhaps would prefer not to.**


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